Life Without Living
by Amelia S. Rodgers
Summary: Ed has been infected with a lethal virus. All Alec can do is plot revenge on Henderson's replacement who will fund SHADO on terms Ed refuses to accept. Then as he grows sicker, Ed reluctantly agrees to help his ex wife and it seals his doom. Or does it?


**Life Without Living copyright 2010 by Amelia L. Rodgers an UFO Story **

**all rights reserved not meant to infringe on copyright **

**Sequel to my story The Island. **

Dedicated to Commander Straker and the late, never to be replaced Ed Bishop.

Special thanks to Deborah the SHADO librarian for liking some of the original Silk Wood Manor characters so much she borrowed a few ( Regs , Algernon, and Malcolm are for hire, Deborah ) and to Nancy Hickman for taking on a mountain of work, copying stories down for my reference and for her input and ideas. (Did I abuse Alec enough in this one for you, Nans? ) My original Silk Wood Manor theme UFO stories can be read in the SHADO library, so if you prefer them, consider them set in an alternate universe. I decided to return to writing by improving on them, changing them, and for the most part, canonizing them.

Chapter One : **Don't ask Australians for whom the bells toll, it's always the same guy calling **

Alec Freeman's landline phone shrilled at him. He slid from beneath his blankets and sleepily switched on the security blocker, assuring that the call was confidential. He didn't even bother with hello. Only one man remained conscious at this god-forsaken hour, he thought with a scowl. At least life was simpler when they'd shared a flat, but the caller had moved into another ivory tower in more ways than one.  
" It's me Alec, there's a number of things I want to go over with you before my trip." Straker sounded disgustingly wide awake .

"There's something you may not have heard of, leading an insular life like you do."  
"It probably isn't important then, Alec."  
"Weekends. You know, days when people go on holiday, and some even sleep in. I'm still on South Korean time, damn it."  
"Did I wake you up , Alec?"  
Alec groaned. For almost as long as he'd known Straker, the Commander always pretended innocence on that matter.  
"Okay, fill me in Ed."  
The two men talked for some time, Alec quickly punching data into his Blackberry. He'd never quite understood why Straker had stuck to a battered Filofax in an age of advanced technology and he asked him about it again.  
The commander said something about data being less reliable on the unit, it could be stolen, wiped. "Besides, Alec, if I was ever captured it would be much harder to swallow one of those devices."  
"You are one of those devices, Commander. Nothing gets past you."  
"Alec, there's something you may not have heard of. Work. What's the status on Sejong One?"  
" Huh? Oh. Eh, there's a problem."  
"Four hours before I leave, and now you tell me there's a problem?"  
"It isn't ready. The engines were pretty fried by that last series of tests. "

"What do you expect me to do to get there, Alec? Swim the English channel?"  
"What did you expect from something being made in Korea, Ed?"  
SHADO's Seoul headquarters scientists were developing a fresh breed of supersonic transport. Alec smiled, remembering piloting SHADO's SST with Virginia Lake aboard. The still delicious Colonel Lake had retired and was married , raising two boys. The transport too had been retired because of funding issues after Henderson's death, something which set the Commander's temper flaring so Sejong One was his baby, and he'd sent Alec to baby sit it.  
"Your politically incorrect jokes fail to amuse me Alec. This is an vital meeting I'm having with Duval and it's her signature that's going on the cheque, with Henderson gone. I can hardly travel by train, since as you take such pleasure in telling me, my face is more recognizable these days. Dr. Swanson won't allow me to drive myself with these seizures I'm plagued by and Duval has insisted on me coming alone."

Straker rarely spoke of Henderson after the incident they'd code named Island, and Alec could tell he was no longer in a teasing mood. The new aircraft despite all its firepower had teething problems. The Korean team requested that it be named after the historical King Dae Wang Sejong from the Choson Dynasty. Alec hadn't known who the King was. Straker being Straker had known of him and even admired him enough to give consent. He didn't appreciate leaving Straker go with no security but Ed had insisted that nothing deter Duval so that she would give him the needed funds.

"Commercial luxury class could be arranged., I'd take pains to keep your cover-"  
"Absolutely not. I'd be assailed by every paparazzi lurking out there in the media pig sty , and I'm not taking a Shado aircraft for financial reasons since our funding has been delayed. Find a solution, Colonel. You have a half hour, no more. I'm not keeping Madame Duval waiting one more second. I'm getting that money from her, Alec!"

Straker slammed down the phone, and Alec winced at the sound. It occurred to him that one part of the Commander's problem was Claire Swanson's absence. She was in training at some civilian establishment to become a therapist., where all the neophyte head shrinkers got together and compared shrunken heads. After the Island business, she'd explained to him that healing a body got you nowhere with a patient unless their mind made equal progress. Both she and Alec had been and continued to be worried about the Commander's nightmares and now his worsening migraines and seizures. Straker could have an axe through his head, and all he'd complain about would be it made grooming his hair problematic, Alec mused. The Commander had given his pet mouse to the young boy he'd met, Peter Turner. who was responsible for uniting Alec with Straker and putting an end to the torture Straker had lived with. Commander Straker entertaining the idea of having a pet seemed unlikely, but then God knew what he'd endured when Jenkins had brainwashed him with Henderson's help. Swanson had almost seemed to blame him personally for Straker's actions, too and he didn't understand that either. The nightmares continued. Swanson knew it, he knew it. It had been uncharacteristic of Swanson to leave Ed's side at such a serious time. It had been an strange decision in Alec's judgment. Straker seemed relieved by it, though, so who knew? Alec would have predicted a lighthearted affair for the Commander, maybe even marriage but it seemed hopeless with Swanson gone.

Well, the problem at hand was booking a flight for the reclusive studio mogul , who had turned up in the news after disappearing, getting him in the friendly skies to the City of Lights.  
Not that the skies were that friendly when they contained little green men the civilians didn't know about and the little men would like nothing better than a dead Commander.

Chapter Two: **Some people have their nerve ! **

Four hours! She, a famous film star, was forced to wait four hours!

Four whole maddening hours stuck on the ground, Danielle Hawthorne repeated to herself. A good deal of the passengers had left in a huff but curiosity had got the best of her so she'd remained on the executive jet even though they hadn't given her the full attention she deserved. Even her about to be fired agent's taste was questionable. Some reclusive British personality had purchased two military class jets from the American government and was starting his own chartered airline or something. Well, it wasn't entirely so bad. To her surprise, she'd discovered that one of the flight attendants was a old bi-lingual French-Canadian classmate of hers from drama school who hadn't made it in the business. Danielle waved him over again and asked for another refill of coffee.

"Thank God I can let down my hair with you Dany . If I have to hand out complimentary food and drink one more time I think I'll lock myself in the cockpit and drink the jet fuel. At least most of the passengers are gone. I remind myself I get paid for this," he smiled.

"Do you think you can tell me the real reason why this plane has been stuck here for so long?"

"Okay, but keep it to yourself. The captain and the co- pilot's already about to blow up from having to wait, and no doubt they'll take it out on me."

"The captain said on the P.A. that the flight's delayed, but he didn't give specifics. He just sounded really disgusted."

"He's got every right to be. So naturally I asked the co-pilot about it, and he tells me the same thing between passionate cursing, that word from upstairs is that an American is coming aboard, some big executive full of himself, and we are told not to say a word about it. This man is apparently so important he can stop an executive jet from taking off. This guy behaves like royalty. Moneyed like you wouldn't believe. Every minute that we sit here is costing us a bundle. I've been passing the time imagining what this fellow looks like. Old wrinkled tub of lard, dressed in Saint Laurent and carrying Louis Vuitton but not worthy of wearing or carrying a paper bag. Orders us around just because he has too much money. Anyway we have to take him to Heathrow before we go to New York. No class at all, just scum. "

Danielle scowled in turn.

"Some people have their nerve!" she said.

A quick buzz summoned the steward back to the cockpit without even time for her to say goodbye to him. Not long after that, the captain's voice announced in English and French that the jet would take off in five minutes. Her friend had been imagining what this executive would look like. So she chewed on a fresh croissant and sipped fresh French coffee and did the same. What would this creep look like? Undoubtedly he'd smell of garlic and booze and too much cologne and have the manners of a boar. He'd have too much gold on, "bling" like jewelry when it was oversized and overdone. She looked admiringly at her own platinum watch with its face of pave diamonds.

He'd swagger and maybe even try to catch her eye, maybe invite her to bed. Well he'd have a shock in store for him, put the old goat in his place. She'd have herself some fun. She set down her coffee and ate the last smidgen of croissant, reapplied her lip gloss, pushed her white pleated silk skirt a little higher, and pulled her pink cashmere sweater with its fur collar lower, took out her laptop, crossed her legs and pretended to be busy. She saw her old classmate fly by her, and then there was whispering in the area of the jet's door . She turned to see. Her classmate and one of the other stewards moved aside as if Marie Antoinette had showed up.

The insufferable executive was finally coming down the aisle.

His fine silver hair was groomed perfectly and caught the dull light of the cabin, combed neatly with a side part. Military aviator style gold sunglasses perched over a straight nose hid his eyes. A smattering of lines crossed his pale skin and a scar rested on a sexy full lip. A impeccably tailored grey flannel suit cradled his sleek body. An understated silver and black wristwatch was on his left wrist under the light grey silk shirt sleeve cuff, and he gave it a single glance.

No other jewelry. Maybe in his forties, fifties, impossible to be certain but no older than that, maybe a smidgen under six feet tall it was hard to tell with the way he effortlessly held his body upright like a marble column. A thin black attaché case with a silver plaque on it was in his right hand. He was coming toward her! Jesus Christ, he was coming right toward her, he was--

Danielle Hawthorne for the first time in years was stirred by a real man and as a result, her laptop went crashing to the floor.

He took off his sunglasses, slipped them into a suit pocket (GOD those blue eyes! she thought, contacts?) set his attaché down then retrieved it for her and those blue eyes lifted and fixed on her. Now she knew what a butterfly impaled with a pin felt like. He spoke quickly and crisply, leaving her dizzy.

"I understand these things are built to last. Here you go. Do you mind if I take the seat next to you? Good. I prefer the rear of a jet on these business trips when I can get it. Much safer. Don't let me bother you. I apologize for holding up the plane. And you are?" .

"You don't recognize me?" she asked. Jesus Christ, that smooth voice matched everything else about him. She could make out a faint citrus scent he wore. Soap, she guessed. He didn't seem the cologne type to her at all.

"No. Harness."

"What?"

"Seatbelt." he replied and fastened his own.

"Oh."

Oh do be stupider, Danielle. Some people have their nerve? She would have forgiven this man if he'd turned around and murdered her. Stop it. You're a famous film star. This man just kept you waiting for four hours. Remember your profession. Just because he looks like that--why did the villain have to look like THAT? Oh, you're allowed, the man is attractive if a bit pallid, exciting, no wedding ring in sight, and you're in Paris. Okay, you're now in the Paris sky. He was unsnapping his seat belt. She did the same.

"E. Straker."

"What?"

"You're staring at my name plate."

"I didn't mean to pry."

Oh yes she had.

"Oh yes you did. I would. If someone had kept me waiting for over four hours, I would too."

In what seemed to be a practiced manner, he put the attaché in the overhead compartment, did something with it out of her field of vision, then the double click told her he'd locked the attaché. Closing the overhead compartment he sat down again, and began to jot notes into an object he'd apparently taken from the attaché , which she saw was a small battered tan suede Filofax. There was silence between them for several minutes. The captain was explaining that the plane would make a brief stop at Heathrow, and then there would be no further delays. The executive was making more notes. He examined the calendar section of his Filofax pensively. His silence intrigued Danielle.

"You must really think you're somebody, to have delayed the plane like that." she finally said icily with all the dramatics she could muster up.

He looked up at her.

"I'm sorry, but I consider my privacy to be absolutely paramount. I don't enjoy small talk on my business trips."

He looked away.

He'd spoiled it all, he was actually a rude s.o.b. despite the angelic looks.

E. Straker. Where had she heard the odd name Straker? One of those nasty gossip shows where they made up things about celebrities when they couldn't get dirt on them? He'd been missing a long time or something. One of those boring environmentalist and animal lovers. She smoothed her chinchilla collar. Let him just try to tell her she was being cruel.

"You can't expect privacy when you keep a plane waiting like that. Not everyone could get away with it." she said, hoping that what he answered would stir her memory further.

"The plane didn't have a full load of passengers. I expected that. I delayed boarding as long as I could, to get that result. I knew most people would choose a complimentary ticket on a commercial flight to remaining on this charter and waiting."

She stared at him. He'd already buried his nose in the Filofax again.

"Rude little bastard, aren't you?"

He met her stare with a lethal one.

"Am I? Let's say I'm a little obsessed about security these days. Safety is a matter I consider important. Simple as that."

He turned away again. The divine beast. How she hated her men. But this one-God!

"Mr. Straker-" she said, changing tactics, oozing sex in a smile that sold magazines. He ignored her.

The plane shook. Hard. Despite her own unease, she looked at him for reassurance. Again, absolutely nothing. The captain apologized over the P.A. for the turbulence.

The plane abruptly lost altitude fast and Danielle screamed. It stopped and she found herself clutching him. He looked at her, placid, and then straight ahead.

"How could we have run into turbulence so fast?" she pleaded.

He'd been introspective. Abruptly his whole face changed. It shut down like someone suddenly turning off a tap.

The fasten your seatbelt sign came on with a chime.

He shoved the agenda inside his jacket, and stood up.

"Mr. Straker-" she said after snapping on her seatbelt.

He seemed to be deciding on something,

"That wasn't turbulence." the reply came.

He'd said it in a way that promised that he knew exactly what it was, and what it meant. He headed toward the cockpit.

Then all hell broke loose.

Chapter Three: **Mouse Materialization**

Alec Freeman poured himself a whisky from Straker's bar and sat back in the Commander's chair and flipped through the file on Sejong One. He looked up in surprise when the door slid open. Claire Swanson was wearing a long pale green dress. She stood there for a moment then approached the desk.

"I didn't expect you. I almost thought you wouldn't come back to Shado." he chuckled.

Claire reached over and stabbed the button that locked the office. After that she deliberately knocked over the glass of whisky. It splattered over Alec's blue trousers which matched his Nehru, and he jumped up, startled.

"What the blazes are you playing at?"

"I don't like you, Alec Freeman. I don't like what you do, I don't like your drinking, I don't like your constantly bedding anything in a skirt, and more than anything else, I don't like you just allowing my Edward Straker to die."

"You've really lost your mind. I thought so when you vanished like that when Ed needed you the most and now I'm sure of it."

"You've been his friend so long, and in all those years you've just let him wither, and you still called it being his friend. Right when there was a possibility of him having a little contentment at your place, you ignored him, and practically suggested he move out. Did you ever stop and think that you were what he needed? That being in a real home surrounded by people he could trust would help in his healing? No. Your house was a revolving door for your little whores and you made him uncomfortable because of it. "

Alec slammed a fist down on the desk in a rarely seen display of genuine anger.

"That's IT, Swanson. I'm acting commander of-"

"You don't deserve to be, Alec. You're killing Edward Straker, piece by piece, bit by bit. Why? Because you think you're preserving his pride. All these years you've been the enabler for his self-destructive behavior. You've been the only one who knows what he was like before, and knows how starved for human contact he is. Yet every time he's come close to allowing himself to be human, he's closed himself off so he could live up to what he thinks is demanded of him. You've never made him sit down, and told him that fear is natural. That even marble cracks. You've heard him screaming and you closed your ears to it. The almighty Straker, the ice cold Commander couldn't possibly NEED someone. Edward has a heart, Alec. He just keeps it hidden and you help him do it."

"Now look here, when I thought Ed was dead, well, I don't know what I would have done, if it had been true. Nobody cheered louder than me when that turned out not to be the case. All right, yes, Ed's been in a bad patch, but he was in a tough situation being brainwashed and humiliated like he was. He's bound to have nightmares about it. You don't know him as well as I do, he isn't Commander for nothing. He'll pull through."

"He'll pull through all right. He'll be leading a life without living. It's been going on a long time, Alec. We have to stop it. We have to stop it now. You've been quietly at his side for so long watching him and yet you haven't seen a god damn thing. Does it scare you Alec that maybe Edward isn't as resilient as you like to think he is? Do you know what happens to a human being that goes through what he did? General Henderson, as far as I've been able to put together, put Edward in what was supposed to be Henderson's position after the accident. As the years passed he saw the pupil bested the teacher, deep down any affection and pride he took in Edward changed into a unconscious determination to make his life hell.

I'm not saying Edward is some fragile flower to crumble in the wind. I'm saying that he was so unique, so dedicated, that duty became the only thing that existed for him. It replaced his wife and his son to the point he was so damaged that he stopped even thinking about healing. He needed you as the last person to know what he once truly was like inside. He's a hero, Alec, but after the glory, after the ticker tape parade, a hero can cry too yet remain a hero. Edward has never wanted the glory or the parade, just a hand, some acceptance and respect. Am I saying he wasn't proud and ambitious? You don't get to where he got without a lot of pride, ambition and determination. You're forgotten the climb is exhilarating but the top of the ladder comes all too suddenly, the top is lonely and you've got nowhere else to go but down. Having rank brings prestige and power, and when Henderson was robbed of it by the UFO attack crippling him, it started the spiral down, and he was forced to watch Edward seize what was supposed to be his. Then Henderson made sure Edward knew he still had the real power, holding the purse strings. He made it harder and harder, rattled him further. "

Alec scowled.

"Claire, I--"

" It didn't break him. Edward excelled, Alec. He always will excel. A man who doesn't think the word failure belongs in a dictionary wouldn't do anything but excel. "

"All right, some of what you're saying makes sense, but the idea that I'm letting Straker die is codswallop. " Alec leaned on the edge of the desk and folded his arms.

"Just listen to me. He beat Henderson at his own game. Then Henderson finds out that not only has Straker beaten him, but life too had beaten him. He finds out he has cancer. He's old and embittered, a little crazed. Edward's not untouched by time, but chance and genes make it seem as if the years haven't passed while Henderson begins to hate what he sees in the mirror. He lives to make a final strike at Edward, but then the aliens make it simple and dangle a poisoned carrot. A carrot named Marjorie Jenkins. Henderson sees that not only can he live, but that maybe the aliens can change everything for him. After watching himself slowly die, SHADO's purpose meant nothing to him anymore. So to get back at the Commander, he puts together a plan to destroy everything Edward was. Not only content to make sure Jenkins tortured Edward, he brought him to his knees."

"I know that much. Ed slaved away in that cafe The Rock Bottom. If it hadn't been for Sir Perry, and that little boy Peter..."

"You're forgetting Edward's own kindness to the homeless, somehow still existing while all that was going on. His admiration for the works of Raymond Chandler who elevated the mystery genre to literature, inspired Edward to still dream."

"Ed still sometimes surprises me now and then. I think after so many years I know him, then I find out something new about him." Alec had gotten up, and was standing next to Straker's chair, looking at it as if its true occupant was present.

"I haven't been completely honest about Edward's condition, Alec."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know what the nightmares and the migraines are from."

"What the blazes? What have you been keeping from me?"

"The fact that Marjorie Jenkins trapped Edward, took away everything that he had including you, exploited his claustrophobia, and tortured then sodomized him."

"Dear GOD. Dear merciful God." Alec dropped into the chair, blood drained from his craggy face. He took a deep breath.

"That's why he's screaming at night, Alec. He's reliving it all, night after night."

"Does he know?"

"He knows. He's running away from it. You're helping him run. Alec, I have nothing but admiration for you, in truth but when I say you're letting him die, I mean it. There's more, Alec. There's-"

Claire's calm façade faded and she burst into sobs.

"Tell me," Alec said firmly.

"She infected him with some alien virus, used him like a lab animal. The virus hasn't responded to any treatment our experts have been able to come up with. It's like nothing I've seen before and it's mutating his body. Edward's going to die. He's going to die, and there's nothing I or our best medical people can do to stop it."

"No, that can't happen. It won't happen. You're wrong."

"Do you think I haven't had my results checked a hundred times? A million times? I'd do anything to be wrong, even walk away from Edward and never look back. Besides Alec, when Edward dies, so will I. You can lead a life without living. A piece of you will die too Alec. That's why we have to help Edward find peace, and love, and then we have to take his life."

"Now I KNOW you're insane! I'll never let-"

"You saw Jenkins, Alec! You watched her go slowly mad then die. Do you want Edward to go through that? He spared Henderson that, even after finding out Henderson was behind all of it. That's the kind of man he is."

"Ed would want to make his own decision about his death. Did you tell him he's infected?"

"I couldn't. I just couldn't. But I think he suspects. Alec, I had to walk away from him. I had to have time to think."

Alec exploded, he couldn't help it. The stupid girl!

"And you think you had the right to accuse me of allowing him to die? You LEFT Ed, Claire. Even I could hear the sadness in his voice whenever he said your name after you left. You said my neglect of him makes me his killer. What does leaving him make YOU?"

"I don't know, God forgive me, I don't know."

Alec came over reluctantly and held Claire against him as she sobbed. The intercom buzzed.

"Freeman."

"Colonel Freeman! We've received an emergency call on our special Aegis frequency from Commander Straker. The jet he is on is under attack by a UFO."

"For God's sake, get our closest response team to that jet! I'm on my way!"

"I'm coming with you!"

"No. You stay in Shado until he comes back. You figure out a way to save him."

"But Alec-"

"I don't have any time for arguments! That was an order!" Alec walked out as if he'd preferred to break a hole in the door rather than wait for it to open.

Claire stumbled brokenheartedly to the desk, and picked up Straker's glass ball.

"Oh my darling. Live. You have to live. I have to find a way to make sure you live." she said. "I'm just a damn emergency ward quack, what do I know about an alien virus?"

There was an odd hum in the room.

The familiar mouse climbed up Straker's chair from the desk surface, blurred and became a man.

"How did you get away from Peter?" she said, not surprised at all.

"Thank the Goddess I did. He kept putting me on that blasted wheel. A man of my advanced age." Sir Peregrine Falcon, better known to most of England as the elderly eccentric Sir Perry, chuckled. "I'd get frightfully dizzy."

"Somehow you still make me manage to laugh, Perry. You always have."

"So this is his SHADO? How utterly mundane. Not at all cozy. He needs my decorator people."

"Perry, I left him. I left him when he most needed me."

"So you did, child. Allow things to unfold as they will. That is the Goddess' rule."

"Perry, he's going to die."

"Yes. He will. But I've seen he won't be claimed by the Goddess."

"What are you talking about?"

"Claire my child, he did a lot of talking to me when he thought I was just a wee mouse. He knows he is dying. That's one of the reasons he left you and Alec to be alone. He loves you both far too much to make you suffer by watching him die."

"Perry I should have just told him I loved him."

'Oh for pity's sake child, yes. I thought I had gotten through to you when I talked about what you'd call miracles. Do you think our Edward is new to metaphysics? He uses it all the time. He's just gotten a bit lost, forgotten the path. Imagine getting rid of such a fine mouse as I. Made me quite a bit cross. Just as I'd grown fonder of him. Even fonder of the rich food he'd feed me."

Claire rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Perry, I think I've forgotten everything about faith and manifestation that you taught me."

"Then you should stop thinking and start believing!" Perry chuckled. "That's the secret of faith."

"But I have to find an answer for Edward I have to."

"Do you think the Goddess has abandoned him? Dear me."

"What are you talking about?"

'I don't suppose Edward has any cheese around here. This will teach me not to overdo my consciousness shifting into small creatures. I should have brought one of Algernon's food hampers with me. Now that would be a real prize for a mouse."

"Perry you're driving me insane. Pins and needles! Tell me what's happening to him."

"I'm afraid your judgment is affected by his charm, or lack of. He has that effect on most women he meets. Talk about enchantment, the Goddess blessed him in more ways than one. Look, run off to that pitiful Shado restaurant and get me some nice cheese and perhaps a buttered scone with a pot of tea and I'll tell you everything." Perry lied.

Chapter Four : **Ten Minutes to Eternity**

' This is SID. A UFO on positive track, bearing el el nine green. '

Other then the computer voice changed to a feminine one, a dispatch from SID still spelled trouble. Once it had been all Carlin lived for. Every UFO he blasted out of the sky meant Leila Carlin could rest easier. He wandered through corridor after corridor until he got to the control center station, which like the entire base was located below the ocean. The only civilians they had to worry might blow their Marine Biology Center cover were fish.

Carlin himself felt like a sardine in a can there, confined in a office by that bastard Straker.

"Predators, immediate launch. I repeat, Predators immediate launch**."**

The command was repeated in French and English.

"What's going on?" Commander Peter Carlin asked one of his operatives at the French HQ for Shado.

"There's a UFO on the tail of a company jet, Sir. Commander Straker is aboard her."

"Shit. The trip to see Duval's daughter. What's the ETA to the jet?"

The operator had bent his head and studied his panel. "Twenty minutes. Colonel Freeman called us because we were the closest to Straker's coordinates."

When he looked up, Carlin was nowhere in sight.

Which was because he had pulled on gear, grabbed the arm of a senior pilot who was about to slide down a chute leading to a Predator cockpit. The Predators had been designed like the Interceptor class and were now equipped with five missiles, and they could launch like SkyDiver, but from either under the sea or on the ground. Straker had fought the late General Henderson for every franc they cost, and he still hadn't been satisfied. Carlin knew about Alec's assignment project Sejong One but they were getting short of funds. Straker had to personally win over Duval or they all were in a world of trouble.

"Captain! Wait!"

"Commander, I just -"

"Yeah, I know. I'm handling this alert."

" But Sir, Straker doesn't allow station comman-"

"Fuck Straker and his regulations! I want this one."

"You know, I do not feel so good, I better head to the medical unit, no? Godspeed, Peter!" she grinned and lifted herself back out of what some pilots called the rubbish chute with his help. Carlin gave her a thumbs up.

Within seconds, Carlin was in the new Predator class Interceptor. Ready for blood.

Preferably a shade of alien green.

"You can't come in here-" the co-pilot was stammering in French. Next to him, the captain lie either unconscious or dead. Straker shoved his cell back into an inside pocket of his jacket, retrieved and held a military security clearance card that only three people carried in front of the co-pilot's eyes as he watched, stomach lurching. Just a few seconds ago to the protests of the flight attendants, Straker had keyed in the code that opened the locked cockpit.

"This card says I can." Straker said in French and English. "Now get out of that seat!"

The co-pilot undid his seat and scrambled out.

"Something we saw out there gave him a heart attack." he said in passable English, trembling visibly.

"Yeah. I figured that, now get the hell out of here." Straker had switched to English. Have the staff make sure everyone assumes crash procedures in the back of the jet, that will increase their chances at survival. Lock this cockpit behind you."

" But Monsieur Strak-"

"_DO IT."_

"Bon chance."

The door clicked behind him. Already Straker was strapped in and opening a radio frequency that only was used by Shado.

"This is Aegis One. Are you reading me?"

"Sir, this is Carlin. I'm on the way."

"Holy-" Straker exclaimed as the UFO fired at him.

Straker pulled the plane into an knife edge flight with all the strength he had in him. The beam of energy fired at the jet was so close Straker imagined being singed by the heat, but he'd dodged it. God help the civilians back there, he thought. He disguised the fear in his voice.

"I'm a little busy or I'd ask you what _you're _doing out there, but I'm relieved to hear your voice. I have a UFO on visual which just about fried my behind. Unless I toss barf bags at the UFO I haven't got a means of defending myself. Tell me something good about your ETA, Carlin."

"Sit tight, Sir. Ten minutes ETA."

"Ten minutes can be an-" Straker dived down out of the UFO's flight path at a speed the passengers wouldn't appreciate, but the second beam hit something because his alarms went crazy. Straker swore, expertly and generously and shut down the panel. One engine cut out but it hadn't been a lethal strike.

"Sir? Do you copy? Straker?

"Our little friends nipped me Peter, but not much blood drawn. Don't worry about the military having heartburn, just haul ass. I have civilians aboard. I'll explain this to Paris London and Washington later."

"Thank God. Fine piece of flying there, Commander." Carlin nearly had forgotten what a excellent pilot Straker was.

"Ten minutes can be an eternity with this crowd. Just get here, Carlin. Straker out."

_Carlin's never going to get here fast enough you know that, Straker. The UFO knows that. I've had all I can take of people coming after me, like Jenkins destroying my sanity. If I go, the UFO goes with me. I'll fly this thing right into them. It's the only way. We'll all go up in a ball of fire but so will that-FIRE!_

Straker laughed sharply. His face exploded into a gleeful grin.

"The odds just got even, you bastards. That's it. I need you closer. Come on, Ed, you did this when you had barely started to shave, you can pull this off, old man or not. Nice and easy. All right baby, combat was what you were made for, all right, all right---NOW!"

He accelerated above it bare seconds before it fired a killing beam and positioned himself above the spinning UFO, emptied fuel right on it as much as he could spare. Then he used his afterburners to ignite it. With all his heart and soul he put distance between his jet and the UFO. It was a stunt even an angel wouldn't try with the mere seconds he had to get the hell out of the way or become a fireball himself.

As Straker figured, even from a fairly safe distance, the resulting power of the blast knocked him around like merciless blows from a prizefighter. Straker had to struggle to keep the aircraft, and himself, upright. Sweat poured off his forehead and his virus weakened body took a pounding. Once it kept upright, he allowed himself a long, deep breath. The bird responded. He brought up the on-board navigational computer, and corrected the course. Almost with silent gratitude, the jet was responding but he still needed time.

He glanced at the radar screen. So far Washington or Paris hadn't responded to the security breach and he figured Alec Freeman was earning his money keeping them off his back. Carlin and his Predator were still nowhere to be seen.

One tiny congratulation, self-given.

_I did it._

_Ed, you may be an old fart, you may be dying from the virus, your best days may be behind you, that bitch Jenkins broke you but you did it._

This is your captain speaking Straker said mentally with that impish half-grin which Alec Freeman knew always meant trouble. Next stop with a little luck and some old flying skill from my younger days, we'll crash in the water. We at Harlington Straker Studios hope you enjoyed your flight. Have a nice day.

Except for aliens and Miss Hawthorne. God, he _hated_ actresses. Oh he'd recognized her all right. Her and her emergency floatation device lips and surgical and spandex enhanced figure. He didn't bother to translate his distaste for his cover job into French. He had things to do to protect his civilian cargo and he hurt like hell, banged up like an ice cube in a martini shaker. A new, improved, family sized migraine which Swanson warned him about seized him. He'd told himself he'd have to put off passing out for later. He still had to land his graceful old bird.

He didn't see Peter Carlin, who had been monitoring the frantic input from Colonel Freeman while keeping Straker on his tracking screen, plus listening for any audio transmissions from the jet He'd seen from the computer enhanced images that Straker did some fancy flying maneuver that birds would envy, then the image of the UFO just vanished and so did the jet. That made Carlin fear that Straker had rammed the UFO head on. It was too like Straker to make that kind of sacrifice but the jet became active again and he sighed in relief.

Carlin reached the coordinates seconds later and his stomach sank when Straker was nowhere to be seen. Then Alec Freeman's voice came on, saying Straker had landed the jet which Straker owned, bought with his own investment return money, in the Thames with very little fuel left and minus a few pieces. No casualties, many injuries, including Straker himself. Alec's terseness told Carlin not to pry. Hell!

_How the hell had Straker pulled that off without even as much as a stick with a rusty nail in it as defense? He hadn't flown like that on duty in what? Twenty, twenty-five years ?_

_Why even ask?_

_Defy odds? _

_All in a day's work for the Commander, he could imagine Alec Freeman telling him._

_Straker was Straker._

Chapter Five : **Flop Sweat**

" We located your attaché case from the built in GPS signal, it's intact but you sure aren't. Jesus, you look like hell, Ed."

"I love you too, Alec. " Straker said briskly , sitting on the edge of a Mayland hospital bed. The Shado Commander was fully dressed in his brown jumpsuit and matching Nehru. That wasn't good, thought Alec.

"That actress of yours is milking her broken hand for all its worth."

"She would. Oh Alec, that Blackberry of yours never would have lasted in that water. My Filofax will dry out eventually. If it doesn't, I had nothing of consequence in it anyway." Straker sprang to his feet.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"I have a parting gift for our film star. I take it you dosed the flight crew and passengers? Explained my landing in the Thames? "

"They'll wake up with headaches, and the UFO's been explained as being an experimental French aircraft that went awry and had to be put down . The pilot didn't have cardiac arrest, just passed out from shock, he's stable. M16 and the Metropolitan Police are being cooperative and keeping the press and injured civilians off our backs. We haven't gotten near Hawthorne, she finally figured out you owned the jet and is insisting on a public apology from you. We took care of her injury and our security detail has her on ice in one of the exam rooms. She's fuming."

"Is she now? Incidentally, tell Carlin his pay is being docked for being late to my party."

"Carlin's never forgiven you for sticking him in that fish bowl like a Cuban Jacques Cousteau. Maybe it was deliberate malice on his part. Christ, you're banged up black and blue, oh why am I wasting time telling you to stay in bed? Swanson will kill me."

"Is Claire back? I'm surprised she didn't come out to nag me. Guess she found another Commander to knock out with doctored coffee."

Alec was taken aback by the bitterness in Straker's voice.

"Ed, she really loves-"

_But Straker was gone._

_Alec had to hurry to keep up with him._

_Straker was Straker._

"How dare you keep me here in this dingy little hospital against my will? If you think that I'm not going to the press with the way you and your staff treated me you have another think coming. Look at my hand! I depend on my body for my living, Mr. Straker and this is a serious injury. Now tell your trained monkeys to let me go!"

"My dear Mrs. Hawthorne, or can I call you Danielle?"

She blinked. His voice was velvet honey.

"Can I be perfectly honest with you? I knew who you were. I also knew my people at Harlington Straker had refused to cast you in that period drama. I'm sure you know that when you run a big company, details have a tendency to get lost and mistakes are made. Believe me Danielle, I recognized you, and I was, well, frankly embarrassed to say so. I'm certain that the film was a flop solely because my casting people didn't chose you for the lead role. Will you ever forgive me?"

People actually make a living doing this, Straker thought. He wasn't amused by the blissful look on Alec Freeman's face. Alec was standing with two dour Shado security people in a corner of the exam room.

"It will take more than flattery Mr. Straker, after the way I've been treated by your security goons and had my hand attended to by some regular doctor."

_Is Straker gay? Not with the way he's undressing me with those blue eyes of his. They have to be contact lenses. Hawthorne's alimony is bound to run out sooner or later, and Danielle Straker has a nice ring to it._

"Anything." Straker said.

What he was thinking was different.

_Why did I save this woman? I could shoot her into space and she'd single-handedly kill the aliens by boring them to death._

Danielle Hawthorne made Straker wait the suspenseful amount of time her limited acting ability called for.

"What about dinner?"

He laughed.

_Jesus but he was even more gorgeous when he laughed. She was almost sorry that she was about to do a little number on him, but a girl had to eat._

"Absolutely an atrocious bargain, but I'll agree, if I can pick the restaurant and the time. "

_At least I've learned something from Alec Freeman, _Straker thought, _never give women everything they want. _He reached out his hand and took her uninjured one firmly, and held it. Her mountain of a mouth twisted, and she finally pulled away.

He feigned hurt. Alec mentally gave him ten stars for best performance by a Shado Commander in a detested acting role. Even one of the security boys smirked.

Or it might have been indigestion. After all, they'd dealt with her longer than Ed had to.

"Why Danielle, what's wrong?" Straker was saying and Alec grinned.

"Your hand is sticky. "

"Must be flop sweat." Straker suggested. "Remember flop sweat?"

"Have you no manners?"

His mouth pulled into a slash of a smile without mirth. Now this was the Ed Straker that Alec knew and loved.

_Okay, sometimes not sure of the loved-_

"I don't waste them on scavengers like you, Mrs. Hawthorne. The G6 I ordered on you told me you broke up three marriages, married then divorced all the men for nice fat alimonies. You make vultures seem presentable."

"Damn you, you filthy -" and she slapped air. Her vision was blurry like when she'd had one cocktail too many. She fell.

"Now _that _dramatic exit was finally worth applause," the Commander said with a smile.

"New stuff Commander or did your Bostonian charm knock her out?" Alec grinned. He had walked over and inspected the unconscious actress. Straker nodded his thanks to the security men and the Shado medic who carted her away.

"Contact amnesia drug Alec! I simply rub on a protective layer which renders it harmless to me, then I swab the drug on as a cream but it works as a injectable too. Newest beauty to come out of our labs and it comes off with plain alcohol. Works quicker than the usual stuff we use. She won't remember her last husband let alone her little experience on that jet. Speaking of forgetfulness, I almost didn't remember dump and burn, Alec. Thank God I decided to invest in a couple of military jets and their blessed afterburners. " Straker had taken a paper packet of an alcohol swab out of a inside jacket pocket, tore it open and wiped his hands carefully. "With my security clearance the old bird wasn't plucked thank God."

" You even had a top notch pilot like Carlin puzzled! So that's what you did to the UFO. That had to be a tricky maneuver for a senile old pilot like you."

Straker returned Alec's wide grin with a stare that Alec knew concealed amusement.

"Alec, I feel obligated to remind you, this drug works on Australians too." Straker remarked. "Come on, let's get to HQ, I need to brief you about Madame Duval."

" I have your car waiting. Duval? Why?"

"I didn't close the deal with her. You'll have to take care of it for me. That's an order."

"You must be joking. You mean Commander Straker finally failed at something?" Alec chuckled then regretted it instantly seeing the pain in Straker's expression and how pale he was. "What happened?"

"I'm tired, Alec and whatever they pumped me full of is wearing off. So this will be quick."

"Right."

Swanson's going to kill me, Alec thought, but she just doesn't understand a man's pride. Ed's pride.

Alec felt a flare up of disgust as Straker numbly filled him in on his failure with Madame Duval.

"I'll handle it, Ed. Leave it to me. We'll crush that bitch-ED!"

As he had done so often when pushing himself past human limitation, Straker winced and collapsed. Alec cursed his long time friend's bloody-mindedness then yelled for help. Where was Dr. Swanson now?

_Maybe she just isn't the right girl for Ed._

Chapter Six: **Unhappily Ever After**

Straker woke up. Which was surprising to him because he didn't remember passing out all that clearly. Claire Swanson was holding his wrist and checking her wristwatch.

"Let go of me, and tell me precisely where I am."

"I'll let go of you when your pulse slows down, and you're at Sir Perry's home under my care, resting. You passed out and had a seizure."

"Why not Mayland Hospital?"

"Mayland is Shado, and I convinced Alec you don't need Shado right now. All that excitement with the UFO didn't do your condition any good."

"Why am I in restraints?"

"You have a reputation for not staying in bed when you're injured and its well deserved Alec tells me."

"I take it you put me in these things? Good. You'll know how to take them off. Do it now."

"You had a _seizure_, Edward."

"Where's Colonel Freeman? Get me Colonel Freeman."

"He'll be back in a while. He went drinking with Perry after I convinced him I needed some private time with you."

" Damn him, I gave him an direct order to handle Duval. Get me out of these restraints!"

"Yelling like that is just asking for another seizure."

Straker seemed to contemplate what she said.

"How long do I have left to live?"

She flinched.

"Oh come on, Doctor. No more games. How long?"

"My guess is about two weeks judging from Jenkins but it's impossible to predict, the pain and seizures will continue, then madness, then death."

"Then do the decent thing, Doctor and allow me to live out what time I have left in my own way. I belong back on the job."

"Look carefully at me. I am _not_ Alec Freeman."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means I value you and your health more than you or your friend's ideas of male pride."

"You're speaking some language I don't understand."

"Edward, my father was a famous cardiac surgeon."

"I know. I personally ran your G6."

Straker immediately wished he hadn't revealed that fact, but she didn't seem to pick up on how rare it was. He had no wish to repeat the lady reporter Josephine Fraser and her sordid little police record situation again. If Swanson wasn't on the up and up then he'd decided he'd find out for himself in confidence and not from the other end of a phone call.

" Why are you bringing him up?" he said quickly.

"Because he loved my mother very much and she drove him away, she drove him to his death and because of male pride, his refusal to seek help no one knew. Do you know what she said on the day he was buried? Well, I think it was a beautiful service, don't you, Claire? That's what she said. She mourned her prestige, not her husband. He meant nothing more to her than one of her damn Porthault bed sheets she had pressed by her servants every day.""

"I guess a G6 can't capture that kind of thing. I'm sorry, Swanson."

"Don't be, Edward. It freed me. I left home. She disinherited me. I regretted having even a drop of blood from her anyway. I adored my father. I studied medicine because of him."

"Claire, you don't belong in Shado. I regret that Alec didn't administer the amnesia drug to you, but I am going to order it done as soon as possible. You're an excellent doctor, and I have no doubt you'll make an excellent psychologist."

"No, I won't. I get too involved in people's lives."

"You'll learn to be helpful to patients but stay aloof. Part of your training."

"What has staying aloof ever done for you Edward?"

_Damn her._

"Claire, we aren't discussing me. As I was saying, Alec rarely disobeys an order, but he-"

"Rarely disobeys? Are you kidding me? I know ! He's your own personal yes man. That's why you're so messed up. I tried to tell him that! I tried to tell him he's killing you with neglect!"

" You're way out of line trying to lecture my second-in-command about me, Swanson." he growled.

"Oh am I? He told me you were sending him to see Duval, that something had gone wrong."

_I might as well have meowed like a kitten. She seems immune to what Alec might call my lack of charms. Why was I ever drawn to her?_

"It's not any of your business."

"That you would even say that tells me that it IS my business. You take everything that goes wrong as a personal failure, Edward. Losing at anything is so painful for you."

"Stop trying to psychoanalyze me. Damn it, where is Alec?"

"Edward, I love you."

It was Straker's turn to snap at her as Alec had.

"Really? Where the hell were you, Claire? Where the hell were you when night after night I was going through what Jenkins had done to me?"

"At your side. Right there for you. I was waiting for you to come to me, Edward. It needed to be your choice. That's how I felt at the time."

"What for? So you could disappear? Walk out on me?"

"Why did that bother you if I don't fit in your Shado? If you're so aloof, if you're the human icicle some blind idiots claim you are, then why let it bother you?"

"I'm not letting it bother me, damn you! Why do I still feel the way I do toward you? Isn't my life, or what's left of it, already screwed up enough?"

"Only if you let it be. Don't condemn yourself for losing control, the virus may be interfering with brain function."

- _Interfering with brain function_- _Shut the fear out, damn it, just shut it out! He ordered himself._

He forced up a hollow chuckle_._

"Listen to you, like _you _have all the answers. You came to England without a clue. You were mugged the day you arrived here. If Sir Perry hadn't found you-"

"Yes, Edward. I have none of what amounts to your strategic brilliance. I don't belong in your Shado. I think your Freeman is your oversexed but wonderfully faithful and loyal idiot. A saint really, to put up with you. I agree with you though, we have nothing in common with each other. We'll live unhappily ever after, we two. You fell in love with me anyway."

"You've got your bloody nerve, Swanson! Get out of here now."

Claire sat down on his bed as if that arrangement was permanent. He stared at her.

"Christ, you're a piece of work. The most undisciplined, arrogant, interfering little-"

She leaned over and gently kissed him on the cheek. It was a mistake, she noted.

"Get me out of these restraints. NOW."

"You'll run." She stood up, hands on hips and looked mournfully down at him.

"That was an order."

"I am not qualified for Shado, remember? Your orders don't count with me."

Straker brooded for a moment.

"Please, Claire. Jenkins had me tied up just like this."

"Oh Edward, how stupid can I be?" Claire quickly released the cuffs pinning down his hands and legs.

"Now I'm getting out of here and going back to work where I belong."

"Edward, don't leave me. Don't turn your back on the love I'm offering you."

"Claire, don't make this harder on me. Please. Keeping me here against my will can be a torture too. You're asking me for something I can't let myself feel anymore."

"I don't believe you don't love me."

"_Believe it_." he replied, hard.

"I'm not letting this end this way. I was responsible for saving your life!"

"Really? When? After drugging me with coffee?"

"Edward, damn it, at least kiss me goodbye if you're eventually going to dose me with the damn amnesia drug."

"Will you promise to let me get the hell out of here if I do?"

"Yes."

"Come here," he said resignedly.

She crept slowly up and took his face between her hands caressing his cheek. He frowned at her as she looked lovingly at him.

"This is emotional blackmail, Claire."

"You aren't my victim, or anyone's victim no matter what happened to you with Jenkins or Madame Duval."

"Who said anything about Duval victimizing me?" he sighed.

"You will in time." she smiled.

_Damn her!_

Straker drew her hands down and slid his behind her back. He bent his head and placed his mouth squarely on hers, kissed her. He winced, muttered something and she extended her arms up to pull him closer, more mindful of his soft tissue injuries. He kissed her like his life depended on it then he reluctantly cooled his passion to moodily study her, his hand possessively in what had previously been a tidy knot of black hair. He toyed with it.

"Claire, Claire. God damn you. I had promised myself no one would ever make me lose control again. I want you. God damn you for doing this to me. I have to know before I die- I have to know if I still have life left in me-."

"Tell me." she responded. " I belong to you, Edward. Don't take long, because I want to give you everything I have in the worse way."

He grinned, pulling his mouth into a slash of a rare genuine smile.

" I did get that feeling from you, yes, yes. I have to know-"

"I can't help you unless you tell me what you have to know!"

He chuckled at her, nodded.

"Does that door over there lock?"

"I suppose so. Don't you remember, this is the old English manor Perry owns. I love staying here. Why?"

Straker crossed over and locked the door. When he turned back, she was lying on the four poster bed. He took off his clothes grimly like he expected to be shot, she noticed, but she pretended not to notice his roadmap of scars which had so stunned her when she'd examined him for the first time. He neatly draped them over a chair came over and extended the length of his body over hers and laid his hand on her cheek, blue eyes so wide and solemn, more like he was attending a funeral than preparing for mutual passion. Did he even know how handsome, no beautiful she told herself, beautiful was the right word, he was?

"Tell me what you need from me, Edward. I won't hurt you. I'm yours."

"I have to know if my body will respond, if I can still feel something for a woman, after, well, you know." His eyes burned into hers, and Claire knew they were seeking any hint of rejection, any hesitation, any lies. She stroked his fine platinum hair and willed him to trust her.

"_Jenkins." _Claire whispered, heart pounding at the promise of their bodies finally meeting, at her fate being sealed. "Edward, don't worry, just take me. I swear to God I 'd never hurt-"

Straker didn't respond. He was fiercely concentrating on taking her clothes off. It seemed to last a few eternities and then he parted her legs, sought her, slipped into her with a shared gasp and thrust repeatedly into her waiting softness. Joined now as one, they rocked in a desperate rhythm of mutual need, their lovers' sounds becoming more heated. When passion was exhausted, they grasped at each other in contented silence until they slept through the night in one another's arms.

Chapter Seven: **Nobody does that to Commander Straker and gets away with it.**

Peter Carlin was in jeans and a white polo shirt, attacking a buttered roll in his small Mayfair flat when the call from Alec Freeman came over his secure cell.

"Carlin."

"Peter, it's Alec. Got anything on at the moment?"

"Just forced furlough compliments of Straker. Why?"

"I want you to do a job for me. Hush hush. I don't want even Ed to know."

"Hell no. You've lost all reason if you think I'd lie to the Commander."

" Just as I thought. If you hadn't said that, I wouldn't have trusted you with this job. Now before you turn me in to Ed as a possible security risk, I want you to listen."

"Make it good, Alec."

"Do you have any idea what Jenkins did to Ed?"

"There's been some gossip. Hard to come by, because one of those looks of his scares half the operatives to death, but it's out there. I know it isn't anything he'd want to repeat."

"He's dying, Peter." Alec sighed, "from the same alien virus that killed Jenkins. She shot him full of it."

"Shit."

"Have you ever wondered why Ed suddenly pulled you off the Interceptor team and stuck you in an office feeding fish?" Alec chuckled softly.

"_You don't question God_." Peter said.

Alec laughed. He'd always liked Peter.

"I won't bother to disillusion you about Ed's nature, because even I feel that way sometimes and I've known Ed for many years. But it might surprise you when I tell you I believe the reason was that Straker's grooming you for his job."

Peter spit out a mouthful of tea.

"What? That's a joke. I'm not command material. I don't want a desk. I thought I'd pissed him off or something."

"Right. That's why you broke procedure and flew out there to try and save his arse even knowing you'd catch hell from him for it."

"Okay. I admit it. Straker's old school and the best I ever flew for. He didn't have to come to Leila's funeral but he did. He didn't have to offer me his condolences but he did and he meant it. It's little things like that which made me admire him as a Commander and as a man."

"Peter, this little operation isn't suitable for me at my age, believe me. It would go a long way toward giving Ed thanks for all that he is. It's just that it's way past standard procedure, and Ed would personally strangle me with his bare hands if he found out what I intend to do. Duvall didn't agree to fund Shado."

"The International Astrophysical Commission always was a headache, even with that old blowhard Henderson gone."

"Peter, if you'd do this for me and keep it secret, it would go a long way toward giving Ed some peace of mind before he dies."

"Name it, Alec."

"I want you to seduce a woman."

"Did I hear you right? You want me to _what_? Have you been drinking bad whisky again?"

"I admit to having a few, my oldest and dearest friend Ed Straker is dying and I can't do a damn thing about it. I 'll explain in detail later but I want you to seduce Madame Duval, and blackmail her so that she has no choice but to give Ed the money he needs to keep Shado running. Her G6 makes it easy. Just listen to this--"

Peter swore.

"I've known you to come up with some strange things to get around Straker 's decisions, but this one takes the cake. Anything beats this damn furlough. I'm your man."

" I knew you'd agree, Peter. You won't have any problems with it once I tell you what happened. Let's just say that the woman has it coming. Nobody does that to Commander Straker and gets away with it."

Chapter Eight: **Ghosts That Never Die **

Claire Swanson awoke in the morning and immediately noticed Straker was gone. Before she could panic, he came out of an adjoining bathroom partially dressed, toweling his hair dry. It made him seem utterly young and vulnerable.

" Algernon is as efficient as ever, he took my clothes and had them laundered and pressed and ran a hot bath for me. I don't think much of the bath salts he put in, I smell like a pine tree. I didn't think you'd ever wake up. " Straker offered her a smile.

" Bath salts are good for your sore muscles, silly. Edward, I've come to the conclusion that your clothing mirrors the public facade you show to the world. Impassive, sharp and colorless." she grinned.

"Did they teach you that in shrink school?"

"You're already regretting our sex, aren't you?"

He seemed genuinely shocked.

"Your G6 revealed more than the usual psychic insight, extrasensory perception if you will. Even so, I didn't expect you'd know. Claire, I-"

"I swear to God, Edward, if you apologize to me for what we both wanted, I'll tie you up again."

"Your G6 didn't reveal any tendiencies toward sadism. Maybe I should run it again. I may have overlooked something."

Claire was pulling on a blue dress. He watched her with a look of rising pain.

"What is it, darling?"

"Nothing. Everything." he said moodily.

"Edward, let me hold you."

He actually shrunk back.

"Claire, I have nothing to offer you. Don't you understand that?"

"You're as much of a man as you were before Jenkins tortured you. She may have brutalized your body and your mind. She couldn't reach your heart."

"Claire, Shado is not for you. I'm not for you."

"You think you're doing me some big favor, huh? Let the innocent civilian go, spare her the horror? Don't I mean anything to you, Edward? Didn't I mean anything to you mere hours ago when we were lovers?"

"That shouldn't have happened. I misused you to satisfy my own ego. Why can't you see that?"

"Edward, you never misused anything or anybody in your life! You think you seduced me? I knew what would happen. I wanted it as much as you did. I don't care about what your damn G6 says or your bank of computers or the empty headed doctors who make these decisions about a person's life. I'm not a child!"

"You are a child in this case. Shado is vital, Shado is more than you and I both or any personal feelings we may have for one another. I have my responsibility and part of my responsibility is to make sure it continues after my death. The security process-"

"To hell with the security process! Do you seriously think I'd do anything to threaten you or Shado? Do you genuinely look at me and see an enemy? Damn you, Edward, I'd die willingly for you_. I'd die for you_."

Straker was groomed and dressed now, except for his brown Nehru jacket. He shook his head slightly, grinned.

" You'd die for me? You've watched too many of the cheesy movies the studio makes."

"So the fact I love you is funny, is it? This is the great ice cold unfeeling Straker speaking to me now, is that it? I don't buy into that. I never will."

"I'm dying, and you're making this harder for me. Is that really what you want, Claire?"

"Guilt isn't going to get me to walk out of your life either, Edward. You've met your match and you need me. Whether or not you like it, I love you."

"_Damn you!"_

The door opened an inch.

"I seem to have come back at an awkward time."

"Where the hell have you been, Alec? You haven't answered your phone."

Alec patted his jacket pockets then snapped his fingers.

"Damn, I lent it to Sir Perry, he had some emergency or something and he's forgotten to give it back."

" An unforgivable breech of protocol Colonel even if our security people said he's solid. You went off drinking with him all night, I understand. Maybe you'd like to do that permanently. Maybe you'd like for me to finally agree to your resignation."

"I thought you'd like to have some private time with Claire." Alec said, hiding hurt.

"Next time you try to make my decisions for me Colonel Freeman, let me know in advance."

"Damn it Ed, shut up!"

"What- did- you- just -say -to- me?"

Each word from Straker was enunciated perfectly, and was fired off more lethally than a nuclear warhead.

"I told you to shut up. I should have told you that a long time ago. The woman clearly loves you, and yeah, I have been behind the door listening for a while. Maybe Claire's right. I thought the day I'd listen to any woman telling me how to act when it concerned you would be the end of the world. I hate to admit it but the woman makes sense."

" Do you know whom you are talking to ? I will not be treated this way!" Straker snapped. "I've had just about as much as I can stand from both of you!"

"Neither Claire nor I are letting you face death alone, Ed. That's all we're saying. "

Straker spun around and punched the wall. Clearly he would have preferred to do it to his present company. His phone shrilled at him.

"STRAKER! Yes, yes, all right, fine, yes, he's here." He tossed the phone at Alec. Claire had the feeling he'd wanted to turn it into a weapon.

"Yours, Colonel Freeman. Ford forwarding a call."

Alec had grinned and caught the phone easily. Straker leaned against the wall, arms crossed, fuming, watching Alec. Alec muttered answers and blinked several times during the conversation, as if not quite believing what he was hearing.

"Yeah, I will. As a matter of fact I'm with him now and will bring him along. I'm certain he'll be interested in your wife's find. Okay. Okay. Bye."

"If 'him' means me, Alec, then you aren't bringing me-"

"Straker, that was the Derry couple."

"Who?"

"The couple that bought your old house."

Straker gave Alec a sour expression as he returned Ed's phone to him.

"What about them?"

"Well, it seems that the husband had dug out a plot for a vegetable garden for his pregnant wife in your yard, and while he was at work she discovered several things that no doubt Jenkins buried there. Things that belonged to you."

"But how could your high and mighty forensic people overlook Edward's property buried in his own backyard?" Claire asked. Straker scowled at her.

"I never made much use of the yard, the forensic team knew my daily patterns from my dossier, and all they were searching for was a body not my personal property. Remember, Jenkins wanted it to seem like I'd gone off somewhere on my own following some lead or the aliens had me. But believe me, this substantial oversight _will_ be brought to their attention." Straker stated to her. "Are the couple all right, Alec? Any chance they'd be infected by coming in touch with something Jenkins did even at this late stage?"

"I've kept an eye on them, I spooked them by hanging around your place a lot, hoping you'd show up and I felt bad so I made friends with the husband, even had a few drinks with him and asked about the missus, checked her medical records through Ford. They're all fine."

"Jenkins wasn't fully contagious back then, Edward. She was just concerned with making it seem you vanished and were dead. Burying your things right under Alec's nose seems typical of her twisted sense of humor." Claire told Straker.

"Well, maybe I'd better see what they're talking about, Alec. I didn't keep anything to do with Shado out in the open, but still, we can't take chances that they aren't involved in some way. Let's go pay them a visit, Alec."

"I'm going with you." Claire stood up.

"You've forgotten that my car is a two-seater, Claire." Straker said triumphantly.

"And you've forgotten that your car isn't anywhere around here. When you collapsed, Alec had security return it to Shado."

Claire watched his mouth pull into the line of disapproval. Straker 0 Swanson 10, she thought with glee. He predictably turned his temper on Alec.

"You drove here after drinking at the pub?"

"Don't worry Ed, Perry had Algernon drive me here in one of his cars after I'd had too much to drink and he gave me unlimited use of it. Beautiful thing, one of the older Bentleys, the Arnage. Has enough seats for all of us." Alec grinned.

"Fine." Straker said, his expression registering quite the opposite. "Go and get it ready, I'll be there in a while. I want a private word with Dr. Swanson."

Alec gave Claire a thumbs up sign, and left.

"Claire."

"You going to chew my head off? You can forget it, Straker. I'm as tough as you. You'll see." Claire folded her arms.

Straker said nothing, picked up his brown jacket and tossed it in her direction.

" As tough as me huh? Look in the inside pocket."

Not understanding his stoic expression, she read the label on the vial she discovered. Her face twisted. The label revealed it contained the new contact amnesia drug that Straker had used on the actress.

"Did you _already _use it on me, Edward? _My God did you_?"

"If I had, you wouldn't know to ask." Straker said quietly, took the vial and put it back in his pocket, put the jacket on, smoothed it down in a gesture she'd become lovingly used to.

"Why scare me, why show it to me like that, Edward?" was all she could finally manage to say, tears rolling down her face. "You're not a cruel man."

"I had that in there all along, Swanson. I could have administered it to you at any point during the night. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I tried, God, I tried. So you've won, you're right but all the people I've allowed myself to love eventually turn into ghosts that never die, and you won't be any exception."

"Edward." Claire protested.

He was already out the door.

Chapter Nine: **Tea at The Derry's**

"Would you like some more tea, Mr. Straker?"

"Actually Alec and I need to get back to the studio, so I'd appreciate it if you'd show me what you discovered." Straker forced up a smile the way a cat coughed up a fur ball.

"Oh of course. I still don't understand why anyone would do that to you, you're such a nice man."

"You know how some women can be. I expect his girlfriend did it in a fit of rage." Claire smiled at the woman. Straker gave Claire a look of warning, set down the delicate porcelain cup in its matching saucer. He hadn't recognized his house other than the outside, and even that was changed. A small playground had been constructed on the lawn. Where he had had modern art, the woman had framed prints of Monet. His zebra skin rug had been replaced by a floral rug done in soft pastels. The couple had made what to him was bitterly just a place to sleep into a cozy home. He felt anything but cozy in it. He followed her into what had once been his bedroom. She led him to a large box. Claire walked protectively alongside him. Alec was in the kitchen, chatting to the husband, and Straker was grateful for Claire's company. This wasn't his world anymore. The woman smiled, and wobbled off to locate her husband. She was heavily pregnant.

"Whatever is that, Edward?" Claire said when it was safe to speak. Straker finally grinned as he took the clay statue from the box.

"Something that should have stayed buried. Some bosomy Aztec goddess, I never did find out which. It was a gift to me from Henderson, after he'd had a holiday in Mexico. I kept it on my coffee table, I never did understand why. Oh, now these I am glad to see again. Expensive gifts from Alec, trying to cheer me up after my divorce."

"Flintlocks are his idea of gifts?"

"Do I detect disapproval from you, Claire?"

"No, my father used guns. He used to go and terrorize small animals. I hate them. They scare me."

"I was wrong, you're Shado material all right."

"Very funny. Ha ha. "

" I have the feeling that if her husband digs far enough, he'll find the rest of my belongings. Jenkins was taking a pretty big chance, knowing that Alec would insist on a careful search of the premises. "

"She was so sure of herself, Edward. She didn't understand the depth of Alec's loyalty and friendship when it came to you. Alec wouldn't let you die. He won't now."

"Alec's good, but he isn't that good. Jenkins will get what she wanted." Straker said coldly.

"Jenkins is in hell."

"You believe in an afterlife, Claire?"

" Perry does."

"I knew someone back in my flying days that totally believed in an afterlife. I haven't thought about him in years, he's probably dead." Straker looked around. "This place seems so strange to me now." he mused.

"It seems way overdone to me." Claire said. "Like Martha Stewart on drugs."

"I would have thought you to be the high tea type, Swanson." Straker grinned at her discomfort.

"Go run my G6 again. If I have to choke down one more dainty cup of tea, I'll scream."

"I'm seeing you in a whole new light. Hey, what's the matter?"

Claire was shaking.

"Peregrine said I was one of the few that were sensitive to the Beyond."

"The what?"

"Nothing, Edward. You wouldn't believe me anyway."

"Try me."

Alec broke up their conversation before she could.

"There you are, Ed. Well, I've assured them that we'll clean up the place and leave them be. But we may or may not have a problem."

"Which is?"

"I'll tell you later after we make our goodbyes. "

The Derry's door buzzed as Straker followed Alec into the living room. The husband answered, had a few words with a courier, shook his head. The husband spied Straker, and motioned to him.

"Mr. Straker?"

"Yes?" Straker said impatiently.

"It appears this parcel is for you."

Alec stepped up and took it a fraction before Straker could take it. Straker scowled at him.

"Sorry, I have to make sure that goes to Edward Straker. Who are you?" the courier asked Alec.

"It's okay, he's an acquaintance of mine." explained the Commander.

"Ah, okay, you're Straker?"

"I am. " Straker confirmed, flashing his studio I.D. card as proof.

" Sign this please. I could lose my job if this got into the wrong hands." Straker nodded, signed, but not before noting the truck number plate and the courier's name, John Ashford, embroidered on his red overalls. Alec reluctantly handed him the parcel as Derry closed the door. Straker thanked the couple, and then with relief departed and got inside the borrowed car Alec was using. Claire took the wheel, and Alec waited for Keith Ford to investigate the firm.

"That thing could have blown you sky high Ed. Ford says it's legit, and the fellow checks out but you were taking a chance like that."

Straker was studying the return address thoughtfully.

"I realize it should be put through the materials analyzer, Alec but if someone intends to use this as a threat, they know an awful lot about me. This shows knowledge of me going back more years than I care to remember. Lend me your penknife, Alec?"

"Damn!" Alec sucked a finger.

"What's the matter? Oh you cut yourself. Doesn't seem to be too bad, Alec. Guess I shook you up a little back there with that parcel business." Straker smiled.

" Shook me up? Maybe a little. I'll live minus a finger or two. "

" I'll take care of your finger once we get to H.Q. Where is the parcel from? Edward, do you know the sender? What is it?" Claire said seeing his look of disbelief.

"One of those ghosts that never die has risen up again. " Straker had cut it open cautiously using Alec's penknife.

"What?" Alec said, still mystified at Straker's insistence on ignoring Shado security protocol on unexpected packages.

" The States. Boston. The family law firm. Talk about my past being dug up out of nowhere. Take us back to Shado as fast as you can, Claire. I have a bad feeling about this parcel arriving just when we were at the Derry's. Too many coincidences for my blood. "

"What's in it, Ed?" Alec asked, more than terrified that Straker might be already showing signs of bad judgment due to the virus infection.

"A handwritten letter sealed with wax. Another typewritten on business stationery. A article cut out of a newspaper. And what appears to be a diary. Oh Alec, what was that problem you thought we might have?"

"The husband said his wife had been acting funny. He explained to me she was the nervous type, even more fragile emotionally with another baby coming. He said she'd finally confessed that she saw a woman wandering around the garden late at night. He described her to me at my request, and she didn't match Jenkins' description. Said she had seemed to be searching for something or someone."

"Did he talk to this woman?" Straker asked, opening the diary and flipping through the pages.

"He didn't believe his wife. She seemed to think the place, your place, was haunted, she even discussed moving out."

"Well, I think he's right. A matter of hormones going astray." Straker chuckled.

"Not quite Ed."

"What does that mean?"

"It means he stayed up one whole night, kept watch, to placate his wife, to reassure her the place wasn't haunted. Just when he was convinced he was an idiot to listen to her, he saw the woman."

"And?"

"He yelled at her to get off his land. Or he'd call the police."

"_And?" _Straker said impatiently.

"She vanished. Right in front of him. "

"Alec, losing sleep can do that to a person, believe me I know, you tell me that often enough. He saw whatever his wife wanted him to see. He wanted to reassure her. I wouldn't read anything into it."

"I thought you believed in ghosts, Commander." Claire said softly.

Straker shot her a sour look then turned his attention back to the diary, flipped through some pages at random. He blanched at a page, shut it and tossed it and the letters back into the package which lay at his feet. He stared straight ahead.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Claire asked, catching his expression in her driving mirror.

"Some things should stay buried. Like Henderson and his statue. Hurry up. Get me home."

Chapter Ten: **Blackmail**

"Peter, nobody's ever made me feel alive like that." Helena Duval pulled away from Peter Carlin, who was equally as naked as she was.

"I've heard the opposite, Helena. You have quite the reputation."

"Oh, these little rumours. A woman in my position has to contend with jealousy."

"Especially a woman having an affair with six men and three women. I guess that makes me number seven. I'm not your usual type though, am I?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You prefer men in power. You pride yourself in being able to take advantage of their weakness for you. You like having your name floated about. I'm just an ordinary guy, I just fly planes for a hobby and study marine biology."

"Perhaps, but you are so charming, and your body, just like a dancer's." She replied in a French accent thicker than her false eyelashes.

"You flatter me. I'm just a pilot."

"With the magnificence in bed. "

"What about your other men? Wouldn't they object to me?"

"Darling, who says they have to know? I am always very careful." she laughed.

"And demanding. Right? No man would turn down a request from you to come to bed."

"I'm the most beautiful and richest of my father's three daughters. Why would they?"

"What happens when a man _does_?" he insisted.

"Oh, this conversation has become boring. I will have the servants get us more caviar, and some wine. Peter, you are hurting me!"

"Maybe I am just trying to make things more exciting for us." Carlin said, holding her arm.

"Softer, then, my sweet darling. It is much better, no?" She guided his hand to a bare breast. It didn't seem to have much significance for him.

"You didn't answer my question."

"It is your magnificence, it distracts me."

"What happens when a man finally says no to Madame Helena Duval?"

"Who would be that much of an idiot?" she chuckled.

His manner turned ugly.

"Commander Straker, and you made him pay for it. I work for Straker, and I'd do anything for him, including pretend to have feelings for you. I was more aroused by your expensively wallpapered ceiling than you, Duval."

Duval slapped him across the face, pushed him away, and grabbed a frilly robe which didn't cover much.

"What is all this about, you fiend?"

Carlin dressed as he filled her in.

"What this is all about is that the night Straker came personally to this mansion and explained to you how important continued funding of Shado was, you suggested the both of you discuss it over a bottle of French champagne. Straker doesn't drink, so he turned you down. He didn't roll over and bark for you like one of your other trained poodles. Then you tried to cuddle up to him and he was repelled because Jenkins had forced herself on him the same way. When that didn't work, you dropped your expensive Dior gown much like you did for me. He told you the evening was over. You couldn't handle the fact he saw you for what you are, a whore. Oh your price is higher than most, and your johns and janes come from politics, government, the military. Straker and his unequalled power looked like a priceless prize for you to add to your collection. A new charm for your bracelet of conquered fools, but one more dazzling than most. But it didn't work out that way, did it?"

"I will have you thrown out, like I did him! Did he think because Henderson was dead that I would make it easy for him because I liked the blue of his eyes? I do not make it easy for anyone. I am in charge now! I care nothing about my father's work. What do I care about this alien threat? I'm not a mere peasant toiling in some vineyard. I am surrounded by the best security my father's money can buy. Nobody would dare touch me!"

"Straker _did_, didn't he? You met him and genuinely desired him. But you betrayed him. You saw him now as unobtainable, so you decided to take him down with you because nobody spurns you and walks out the door unscathed. You told him he was a failure, a complete idiot to be taken in by Henderson and Jenkins the way he had been. You told him he didn't belong in Shado as a Commander, that he was a great big nothing, a has been, no longer at all the man whom your father had chosen to head Shado, even _insisting_ he head Shado, because he'd made the alien threat seem more real and too close to home. Not a distant problem to contend with, but something that could have easily taken the daughters he loved away from him. That's the Straker you treated like a used wad of toilet paper when you were done with it. You turned him away at a time when he desperately needed to succeed at something. You told him that he was ancient history, no longer good to any woman, far less than a man. Even with your knife firmly in his back, he walked away with his pride. Something you'd never understand. But here's something you'll understand. Blackmail. I have a set of glossies taken of you with your men and women in what you'd agree are incriminating poses." Carlin took some lurid photographs out of his knapsack. She only laughed.

"Do you think I have not dealt with blackmailers before, you worthless little shit. If your Straker is all you say he is, he would have come back. Made the apology to me, maybe more, maybe bed. And then we would have talked. But he is used up. That Jenkins used him as her sex toy. I did not want him. He is older now, and how you say, washed up, used. I offered him the last chance to have a real woman. To remember why he once was a man. He turned his back on me. Now I turn my back on you. Get out of here!"

"Sure. I know the way out. Only I'm a little surprised you want these printed in all the major newspapers. That would mean your end in the glamorous society you pride yourself on being a part of."

"You amuse me. You think I am stupid like your precious Commander? You would never do that. It would ruin the lives of the parties I am involved with. It would expose them for who they really are to their common little families. "

"They _already_ know_, _Madame. Every single one of them told me they were tired of hiding the truth, tired of obeying your every whim so it exposure didn't matter. Behind your fancy makeup and exclusive French scent, you're a tyrant. An aging one at that. But if you want me to, I'll have it all printed for Paris and the rest of the world to see."

"What do you want, you stinking little pig? How much? What sum? Money to me is nothing. You bore me. Our sex bored me."

"Thick, aren't you. I don't want money personally. I want you to forget us and continue to finance Shado. At two times more the rate Straker proposed to you. Without a word of explanation about your change of heart to the astrophysical committee or Commander Straker. You even think about doing anything else, and I'll come back and snap your little spoiled neck in two. For your information, you're wide open. I've seen better security precautions at kindergartens."

"You're insane, you are nothing but garbage!"

"Fine. Better put on more of that plaster of yours for the photographers. The starving French press is going to love this morsel I'll throw them. So will your father. He may be older and in a sanitarium, the finest that money can buy, but he's sure to throw you out on the street without any inheritance when he finds out his oldest daughter is nothing but a whore."

"You will go to hell! I will agree to this insanity of yours, but I will see you in hell."

"Fine. I prefer the devil's company to yours, anyway. Even the aliens wouldn't want your frigid organs."

"Get out!"

"Not without you wiring the money to the account Shado uses in front of me and my hearing the confirmation from my contact that it got there."

She did. He did.

Carlin dodged the silk high heel she threw at him on his way out.

"What did you have a conversation with Ford and Carlin about?" Straker asked Alec after he'd cut the conversation off and handed Straker back his cell with a knowing grin which Straker was immediately suspicious of. Straker had been studying the return address on the parcel, brooding. Claire was beginning to think he had a degree in brooding from MIT.

" I was just checking in on H.Q. with Keith, and then sympathizing with Peter and promising to meet him later in the week for some serious drinking. They have him on a forced furlough. Your creative order, I take it?" Alec grinned wider.

"Yes, well a furlough wouldn't be harsh punishment for most operatives but Peter is different, he lives to fly. He flew when he was supposed to be in command, he disobeyed the rules. That isn't like him."

"He tried to save your life, Ed."

"The rules are in place for a reason, Alec. This is an old difference of opinion between us let's leave it at that."

"Okay, but it's going to take us a while to get to headquarters in this traffic. Maybe you'd like to fill us in on that package of yours. Besides, why do the rules determine Peter's fate, but you can open suspicious packages out of the blue?"

"Alec does have a point there." chuckled Claire, still at the wheel and in combat with the traffic.

"Be quiet and drive, or I will." Straker growled.

"Edward, I'm new to driving this metal beast, so just be quiet yourself."

"Swanson, I'm warning you.."

"You know, Peter thinks you're God." Alec interjected, amused. Carlin had told him everything, down to the high heel tossing. Alec had made it obvious that Straker was right next to him, so Carlin had done most of the talking.

"Considering my rank and position, that isn't too erroneous a conclusion and Swanson here should take it into consideration." Straker said moodily. Claire rolled her eyes.

"So what about the parcel? Come on, Ed, like you Americans say, give, what's in the letter." Alec insisted, actually physically poking him and getting a wince and a threatening glare from the Commander.

Claire chuckled, watching them for a moment in the car's rear view mirror, for the traffic had come to a maddening halt.

"If you two can't play nice, I'll turn this car around and go home, I mean it." she said.

Straker scowled as Alec chuckled at her then Straker reluctantly examined the package's content again, holding a letter.

"It's a letter from my family's law firm. Apparently I've inherited something from one of the senior lawyers, Lawrence Malone. He owned the firm. He's only just passed away. I've always connected him with bad news since I was a boy. He wasn't what you'd call a friendly man, but he never lost a case he took on. Anyway, his younger partner Jay Noland now owns the firm, and he had his administrative assistant write the letter. He's apologizing for something, I don't know what yet. Noland always was long winded, but I liked him."

"So read it to us too, Edward." urged Claire. "We're your family now anyway."

"Do I hear right? You want me to read my personal mail aloud? It's a pity you won't be in Shado. I could court martial you for even suggesting that."

"I don't remember that particular law regarding court martial offenses." Alec pointed out.

"That's because I just invented it., Alec." Straker tried to hide a grin without much success.

"Aha I thought so. Out with it, Commander."

"Fine, fine but just a little of it-"

_**Dear Ed,**_

_**I know it may come as a shock to hear from me after so long. Maybe you won't believe this, but I miss you not as an retired Air Force officer but as the little boy who would come to my hearings, wanting to know all about Massachusetts law, and beg for my candy in exchange for giving me advice even though you couldn't reach the bar, let alone pass it. You were always very bright, far surpassing your peers. I am very sorry to tell you my long time friend Larry Malone passed away recently.**_

"You were actually a little boy once and you begged for candy?"

"Shut up, Colonel Freeman. That's an order."

"Right, right, but a little boy? You?"

"Ignore Alec and go on please Edward." Claire said, chuckling.

**_I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me from what I consider a professional and personal wrong I have done to you. I apologize from the depths of my being and with the solemn oath of my faith, which you will remember came to me from the synagogue at which my father led his congregation. You know how much Larry did to give me a chance to prove myself. Although I knew it was terribly wrong, I could not disobey his wishes. I will not know if I am forgiven by my God until I am laid to my rest, but perhaps you will be less strident in your judgment._**

_**Larry as you know took care of matters for your mother after your father-**_

Straker suddenly took a deep breath.

"Edward are you okay?"

" I'm fine, Claire. The rest of this letter is my business."

"Okay Ed, we didn't mean to intrude. Claire, doesn't this car have a radio?" Alec inquired, hiding his own nervousness at how Straker looked and sounded. Claire found a blues station that Alec liked.

Claire and Alec were discussing their tastes in music, he knew but none of it made any sense to him as memories came rushing back. He could hear Jay in his head now. He remembered the young Jewish man always having salt water taffy in his pockets and secretly sharing them with him because his mother forbade him sugary treats. Straker sighed.

_**-after your father hung himself in the institution your mother was forced to put him in after the incident. You will see from the diary which your mother had hidden how devastating that was for her. I will not go into details, but you will understand a great deal when you read your mother's diary which up until Larry's death, none of us knew existed. It was your mother's wish that you inherit a sum of money, land and property that Larry gave her as a engagement present after you graduated egregia cum laude from Yale, enlisted in the Service and began astronaut training. Sadly she had a fatal heart attack after a secret marriage to Larry, not long after receiving a letter from the military that your plane had gone down in Vietnam and you and your fellow officer were dead. Larry was less than truthful in informing you about it when you were discovered to be alive in an hospital in Thailand recovering from injuries incurred from your incarceration as a POW in Vietnam. I don't think he ever fully understood why she never got over losing you.**_

_Now I know how Hamlet felt about his mother Gertrude, Straker thought. An engagement present. A secret wedding to a man who was supposed to be trustworthy mere days after her husband is found dead. All those years ago, my father suspected they were having an affair, and now I know he was right. I had to read it in her damn diary. It must be why he hung himself, at least this provides me with some closure on the matter. I wish I could remember what Jay means when he talks about the incident. My father was suffering from shell shock for God's sake, long before it was known as post traumatic stress syndrome. He was a decorated hero, a pioneer in the investigation of UFO's. Something went very terribly wrong with him and I was too small to fully understand it. So much for the wonders of medical science, they came too damn late for Dad._

Straker forced himself to read more.

_**Ed, I know you may be repulsed by your mother's affair and subsequent marriage with Larry, but even though it may be of no consequence to you, he made your mother happy in the days after you interrupted your training at NASA and went to serve in Vietnam. I confess I did not understand your motivations in chucking your career behind you and becoming head of Straker-Harlington Studios, but then my own job kept me occupied during those years as well.**_

_**Now the part for which I am well and truly ashamed. I knew all this of course, Larry asked me to keep it a secret. After your mother's death, her will in no uncertain terms specified that you inherit the house of her dreams, Silk Wood Manor in the Cotswolds which was previously part of the estate of Lord David Brentridge, the last living heir of the renowned Brentridge family. Brentridge found himself unable to keep up with the financial demands and work that such a property demanded, and so he sold it to Larry for a undisclosed sum, as well as the land and furniture and artwork and employees therein, all which was part of the estate. Larry had no great interest in it, but your mother, as you well know, was a staunch monarchist who had come to America seeking her fortune and dreamed of being of blue blood herself. She took great delight in being the Lady of the Manor, while Larry preferred staying in Boston at his firm. When she died, and her will was read, Larry stipulated to me in secret that you not take possession of what she had bequeathed to you until his death. I feared at the time of her death that you would inquire into her estate after getting the telegram he sent you and discover Larry's breach of his duty as the executor, but perhaps due to your injuries and grief, you did not and chose to let Larry handle it. Larry is to me what your colleague Alec Freeman is to you, and has been all these years, so forgive me I beg of you, for giving in to Larry's wishes. Don't judge your mother harshly until you have read all the contents of her diary.**_

_**I will be wiring you with a check and a deed and all the details soon and hope to visit you soon if you'd permit me to do so. May your God bless you and I hope I remain your friend,**_

_**Jay Noland**_

_**Attorney at Law**_

"You okay, Ed?" Alec asked.

" Yeah, it's just Noland's something of a disappointment to me Alec. Lawrence Malone was a ruthless character in Boston, you had to be, to be able to achieve what he did in such a short time, but Jay- he was a outstanding young man, a prodigy really and someone I admired when I was young. I am surprised he didn't do what was morally right, instead of doing what meant being loyal to Malone. It doesn't matter much. I have no intention of taking any Lord Brentridge property Malone and my mother may have owned. I imagine the National Trust may be interested in it. Alec, look into it for me."

"Are you talking about _THE _last living Lord Brentridge? Perry told me he was so gaga in the head, mistrusted and ostracized in society and society is everything in the circles he ran in. He drank and ate and gambled up the property and the women that his bloodline had given him access to until the finances dwindled and he decided to sell it and run off and hide in the States. You can imagine how that was for the people his great ,great grandfather had employed, and their descendants who continued to serve his family, and probably still do. Perry saw it coming and made Brentridge an offer, but even Perry doesn't have the kind of money he must have demanded. Brentridge turned him down." Claire said, awed. "If your Malone is wealthy enough to have actually bought it, he probably owned Boston by now."

"Swanson, how can that kind of society gossip possibly interest you?" Straker asked, still irritated.

"Edward, I don't spend every waking moment being serious. I did for a while. I pushed myself, trying to be the doctor my Dad was and for what? In the end I decided to leave, and go to England to pursue a dream. You spoke to me about ghosts that never die. My dad is mine. I often wonder if he'd still have pride in me, going into medicine but not quite achieving the recognition he did."

"People should do the best they can with what God gives them, Claire. My philosophy is to not waste time trying to be someone else. I'm just me, the best me that I can be. It wasn't like that when I was a kid, believe me." Alec chuckled. "I was a dark-hearted rebel, the fourth of six brothers. Nobody paid me any mind until there was work to be done around the sheep station. I was a bit of a sickly kid, I still have the mark of it on my face so my old man didn't care whether I lived or died and I wasn't pretty enough for my Mum. So I made my own pride in myself, I stopped seeking their approval and eventually I met Ed and found a place where I belonged. I had a lot of growing up to do. I had to mature.""

"That's what I mean. You haven't matured enough for Shado, Swanson. You don't have what it takes to succeed in a tough job. Everything is too fairytale for you." Straker explained.

"_Fairytale?" _Claire answered angrily. "Oh I suppose explaining to a young man that his pregnant teenage wife just bled out after an attempted abortion and he was suddenly a dad at fifteen because we'd barely managed to save his son is fairytale to you? Or trying to tell kids that survived a collision of their car with a truck that their mother and drunken father were brain dead and they had to go off to live with strangers is fairytale. Or losing a six year old to cancer, after three operations to remove tumors but you can't keep the damn thing from spreading and they die anyway. Or seeing people stabbed, shot, beaten, women coming in pretending they just fell accidentally because they can't conceive of ever leaving the dirt bag that beats them every night. I worked nights at the ER, Commander. That's hardly fairytale. And get this. I'm staying in Shado. So get that through your head, Commander. Did I go home alone after my Dad died to a damn empty apartment full of books every morning and cry my heart out? Yeah. Yeah I did. But I did my job and I did it damn well. I saved your damn neck when you came to me through Perry unconscious and half starved and it looked like it had been the ice age when someone last treated you like a human being. So was Algernon right? Did I fall for you? Yeah. Okay? Damn you. I didn't intend for you to get inside my heart. But it happened. You'd better get used to it. Perry taught me to believe in fairytales, sure, but I know real life stinks sometimes. Like when I find out the man that I love, oh shit you've made me cry again. Happy now?"

"Watch the road, Dr. Swanson." Straker said quietly, and Alec smiled knowing Straker was deeply moved by her words, it was in his deceptively impassive expression, in the quiet way he addressed her, in the way he said her name. Alec had seen him in love before.

"God, you're impossible." Claire ranted. "I know how to drive, okay?"

Alec chuckled. He'd seen and heard that in Ed before, all right. Only then Straker had been even crazier. When he'd introduced him as a young colonel, one of the youngest colonels in the American air force, to the blonde woman he'd become dizzyingly involved with, he'd seemed to lose all reason. Shado had come into his life and that romance had ended badly. He had a idea Claire was tough enough all right. Straker had used most of his bag of tricks, the ones Alec knew only too well were designed to keep everyone at arm's length. It hadn't worked on him and it didn't seem to stop Claire. He prided himself on being so close to Ed who had nobody else he could really call a close friend since Craig Collins had died by Straker's hand and Alec never had understood that relationship other than being a holdover from his youthful astronaut training days. Collins never seemed to take anyone or anything seriously, which he'd thought would make him repulsive to Ed. _Maybe the chemistry was based on just that, they were so different. Like me and Ed now_ he chuckled to himself.

Okay, so maybe an older Alec Freeman had to push a little harder to give this older Ed Straker the life he deserved. Life, shit. That Ed was dying made a hole in his heart, a lethal wound that Alec knew would never heal. The virus made it impossible to go slowly with this new approach to Ed this new girl wanted. _Okay then. Claire says I am Straker's yes man. We'll see about that_.

"Ed, you're going to move out of that damn hotel you're staying in. You'll come back with me, or you'll move into that monster of a manor of Perry's and I'll move in too, to make sure Algernon pours your coffee at the proper angle. Or whatever butlers do, God knows on my poor thin pay check I'll never know." Alec moaned.

Straker had to chuckle.

"I keep telling you Alec, the hotel is fine. Besides, haven't you forgotten? I'm not going to be around too long thanks to Jenkins. I need to face that reality head on and get things done at Shado before I die."

"I don't ever want to hear that negative crap coming out of you ever again Ed. What happened to the determined Ed that blasted the UFO out of the sky and beat the odds? I think even Carlin would pee in his pants facing the aliens without any weapon, and here you turned the whole damn jet against them."

"He did it with the virus flooding his body, too, Alec. He beat Henderson, he beat Jenkins, and he beat the aliens. He'll beat the fucking virus, too. I'm not Claire Swanson for nothing. All I need is one drop of my Dad's blood, just one, you watch. You're not any patient. I need you. Alec needs you. Shado, yeah even your damn Shado needs you so I'm curing you."

"The theatrics from you two are reminding me of Danielle Hawthorne, and that isn't a pleasant memory for me." Straker said with another wry grin.

"Shut up and take a nap Edward dear. It's going to take me a miracle to get out of this damn traffic. San Francisco bumper to bumper was never like this." she groaned.

"That's right. Take a nap Edward dear." grinned Alec.

"You call me that again and keep telling me what to do and you'll be the one taking the nap, Colonel Freeman. A long one. Courtesy of my Glock pistol." warned Straker.

"Do you think after you cure him of the virus you could transplant a sense of humor back into him?" Alec asked hopefully.

"Now that's a _real _fairytale." Claire laughed. Alec joined in and Straker just sighed.

"You two are worse than the aliens."

"Be quiet and take a nap." Claire said.

"Even my own mother couldn't always get me to take a nap, so you aren't going to have any success in that area either. Besides, I've come a long way from biscuits and milk. "

"You're ill. That officially makes me acting commander of Shado. Go to sleep, that's a direct order." Alec said.

"You really need to work on your delivery, Alec. You're about as threatening as a newborn baby." Straker pointed out.

"Really? Wait until you see the size of my rattle." Alec told Straker.

"I've showered in your proximity, Alec. I wouldn't brag about your rattle if I were you." Straker said matter-of-factly. Alec gawked at Straker and then broke into wild laughter. Claire howled in appreciation.

"I think his sense of humor is fine and just where it ought to be Alec." she said. "Now, Edward, about that nap, or wouldn't some of your personnel like to hear what you just said to him let's see, oh maybe Keith Ford-"

"You repeat that to Ford and I personally will shoot you too, Dr. Swanson. I _never_ miss."

"Then go to sleep. We still have about an hour or so before we get to the studio." she chuckled.

"Fine, fine." Straker settled back and closed his eyes. After five minutes or so she could tell from his relaxed breathing that he was asleep.

"I've always envied his ability to do that. Sleep so fast, I mean." whispered Alec.

"He was exhausted. You've known him a long time haven't you, Alec?" whispered Claire.

"I first laid eyes on him in Thailand. In a lousy military hospital put together with spit and glue. I was looking for a mate in my RAF unit that Yank S and R had recovered after his plane had gone down at sea. Oh, sorry. Forgot you don't know the lingo. Search and Rescue. I didn't make it in time, he'd passed on from his injuries. Beds were always in demand so instead of finding him I found Ed. I'd seen enough action. I'd seen corpses that looked more alive than Ed. He'd been in a prisoner of war camp for the best of a year. The camp senior ranking officer was supposed to front an escape. He didn't have the moxie so Straker stood in for him at the last minute with no real command experience under his belt. Got several of the men to a rescue chopper even as weak as he was, but not before having his shoulder practically blown away by the Vietnamese before the Americans got him aboard, screaming until he finally passed out. Ed didn't tell me all this, by the way. I did a bit of digging and found out some of what had happened he's never told me all of it."

"Jesus, Alec. I read Edward's Air Force file, saw that he'd been promoted to full colonel early because of POW status, but I didn't really think about it. Talk about having a guardian angel."

"He looked like an angel, now that I think about it. That hair of his and those eyes. An angel shot out of the sky."

"_I'm not all that angelic now am I, Colonel Freeman?"_

Claire laughed as Straker impishly opened his eyes.

"Blast you, I should have known." Alec complained.

"And I should have known enough to run when you walked into the ward. Except I wasn't quite in shape for any further escaping. By the way, Alec, I don't want to hear you complain about my SRO back then. His specialty was our souls, not our bodies. He was a chaplain with God as his commanding officer. He saved my sanity, if not me and my MIB, and the others who didn't make it, God rest their souls."

"He cost you the medal of honor, one of the few medals you aren't allowed to wear on that skinny chest of yours on formal occasions. I've never understood why you covered for him, Ed."

Straker widened his blue eyes, a feat in itself, since Claire always felt his eyes were impossibly ice-blue and wide already. With remorse her own brown eyes moved from the driving glass and back to the road.

"And did I cover for him, Colonel?" he said, amused.

"You know damn well you did. You got a lousy purple heart and he got a medal the size of a dinner plate for something he didn't even do. And to the last man, everybody kept to your story."

"He was much older than I was, Alec and a real angel in more ways than one. He'd be in his seventies now if he were alive. I won't hear a word against him. He's probably dead. I know his companion is."

"Why didn't anyone else in the camp tell the Air Force that you'd led the-"

"Because the first thing I did on coming to after they sewed and wired my damn shoulder together like I was some modern Frankenstein's monster was find out who else had survived, Alec. I now was their SRO in a sense since I was lucky enough to lead some men out of that hell hole, a fact that I made use of. I ordered them not to say a word about it."

"You should be wearing that medal, you moron."

"Subject over, Colonel Free-"

Straker's cell rang again with the special chime that indicated it was a call from Shado control centre.

"Straker," he said, somewhat wearily this time. "Ah, you, Ford. What is it? A sighting? Oh. Quiet, huh? For me? What? Ford, it's been a very long day and you'll have to confirm for me what you just said. Yes, yes. You traced the calls to the studio, of course? Rutland residence. Confirmed. I see. I'll take the call. Give me a moment." Straker looked pale and took a deep breath. Alec looked indignant.

"What the hell is that monkey-face she married calling you for." he snapped.

Straker frowned in Alec's direction, he shook his head decisively, holding his hand over the receiver so Alec wouldn't be heard.

"It isn't him, Alec. It's Mary. She's been calling the studio all morning, asking for me., some sort of emergency. Ford finally got brave and decided to ask me what to do about it."

"Now I _know _you're a moron. You aren't seriously thinking of answering her after you don't hear a thing from her for years, are you?. Have you forgotten what she did to you? Not even allowing you to place flowers on your son's grave while she was present, let alone attending his funeral services?"

"She's still Johnny's mother." Straker said quietly. Alec looked like he wanted to kick the car window in as a substitute for his commander's head. Claire tried not to show her growing worry.

"Ed, she made her decision to dump you and walk away. If there's any emergency, let her husband handle it. Oh, sorry, I forgot he didn't have any balls." the Australian spat out.

"That's enough, Colonel Freeman. All right, Ford. Put her through. Yes. Yes, I'm here. Sorry I wasn't, now calm down, Mary. You'll have to calm down. Tell me what's happened. What? Sorry, I'm in a car on my way to the studio and the noise-when? Yes, I know. I was very sad to hear about your father's sudden passing and its my understanding your mother isn't well-"

"That's the understatement of the day. " Alec muttered. Claire had to grin at Alec even though she tried hard to catch every word Straker said.

"Yes. Mary, I just don't know, all right, all right. I'll be there within the hour. You just wait for me. Yes, _I know_. I'm sorry you feel that way about me, but remember _you_ called me. Yes, I understand you're just upset. All right , all right. Goodbye."

"Ed you can't possibly tell me that after all these years she still has you wrapped around her damn-"

"Alec, of all people you should understand I have to do this. Apparently Rutland left her. They divorced. "

"I take what I said back. He _does_ have balls. Brains too."

Straker ignored Alec and asked Claire to stop the car. Reluctantly she did.

"It's quicker for me to drive. Don't give me an argument, please. I'm tired. Everything catching up with me I guess."

"You tell me the instant you get another headache, Edward. This car has a GPS system, I can use it and get there just as fast." Claire knew she couldn't talk him out of going.

"Just let me drive for once. It isn't far to her place. I remember the way very well, I bought the house when we were newlyweds."

Straker looked more sorrowful than she had ever seen him look. He smiled, catching her concerned appraisal of him.

"Part of being in Shado means following orders from your commander-in-chief, Claire. For once I'll think outside the box. We'll find something for you to do."

"He's just flattering you to get his way." Alec warned. Claire chuckled and slid aside as Straker grinned at Alec and took the wheel.

"I _know_, Alec. I have a masters in all things Edward Straker."

Later, Straker continued to be his obstinate self, virus or no virus.

"No, to both of you. I'm going in _alone."_

"No damn way, Edward."

"Claire-"

"This isn't your fight, Claire. Do what Commander Straker says."

"_Alec!"_

"I know. There's a time for everything. Besides you could just make things worse for him."

"Don't leave his side Alec, promise me." she pleaded.

"Don't be dramatic. Alec will be right outside the door. This won't take long."

_Perry, he's going to die.. she had said, heart breaking. Yes he will but I've seen the goddess won't claim him. Perry seemed so sure Edward wouldn't die. She trusted Perry. It didn't matter that in sleeping with the Commander, she now shared his fate. That was something she had decided to do, and not mention to Perry. The virus was transferred in sperm. Fairytale, he had called her. Like the Snow Queen and what she had done to Kaj before Gerda had saved him with her love. Dad would read me all the classic fairytales. I love Edward so much. Daddy._

_Why do I have to love another doomed man? Oh stop it Claire. You'll find a way to save him and yourself. Then why do I feel the Between is all around me?_

_Edward's not made of ice. It's not too late to save him. The Snow Queen won't get him this time._

_Please Daddy, if you can hear me, give me a happy ending. _

Chapter Eleven: **The Snow Queen**

"_Mary_." was all he could manage to say when she answered the door. She took a step back and looked at him carefully somewhat awed. She was wearing a smart pants suit in a raspberry shade and matching court shoes. He detected her perfume like it was another person in the room and that wasn't like his ex.

"Come in Ed. It isn't fair, you haven't changed at all. You've just gotten more handsome. "

"I'm past fifty now, lost the bloom of youth, I hardly think that's the case. You look like I remember you, pretty." he said quietly.

"You always knew just what to say, Ed. Come in, I have the tea kettle on but I can make you some coffee. Two sugars and crème, you see I remembered."

"I shouldn't drink as much caffeine as I do or so my new doctor says. Coffee sounds good though."

_Why was she so calm? She'd been hysterical on the phone. What was it he'd learned in psychology back at college so many eons ago? An abrupt unexplained change in behavior spelled trouble. It must be shock. We never should have married, she was so young, younger than I was. Dear God, I had to lie yet again. The years haven't been kind to her. What's wrong with me? Alec called me a moron. Maybe he's right. She let her mother influence her, hiring that detective to spy on me. Didn't allow me to explain. God, I nearly spilled it all out that awful day, about Shado, what it meant, why we had to work so hard. I thought all this was behind me. Damn ghosts that never die. I called Claire fairytale. I too believed in fairytales once. I thought I'd have a fairytale marriage. I should have listened closer to Henderson when he said what a person needed in this business was an understanding wife. I thought I'd had that in Mary. How foolish I was. The weekends with Johnny- no, for once I won't punish myself. That's over and done with. Rutland hadn't wanted me there. If I had five more minutes with John and seen his boat, his name wouldn't be on that gravestone. If Alec hadn't diverted the transporter. If, if__**, if!**_

Mary had disappeared into the kitchen.

He'd found a chair, sat down. Some things were different, but his memories always kept the first house, the house they had owned together, in his mind.

_Like nettles that sting at any attempt to pull them out. She'd kept the turquoisey blue curtains. What had her new husband thought about that? As far as I could tell, Rutland kept her under his thumb the way her mother had. She'd seemed comfortable with it. Johnny never had seemed comfortable with his stepfather. Now Rutland had gone. Why?_

_Time has a way of healing, Commander or so I was led to believe by Dr. Jackson who was now as dead as his lie. Healing? To examine each memory and again they drew blood. The way Rutland had said 'we'll stay and see the boy through- "the boy- was that how he'd always seen Johnny? Extra baggage? As a distant reminder of who his new wife had once married. I didn't pick up on that back then. Perhaps age does make one wiser. I blamed myself for John's death. The truth was no one could have predicted what Alec would do, what would happen in that cottage where the blind woman lived. Maybe Alec is right. You do your best. You move on. If only Mary had spoken out for once in her life to Rutland, and given me those five minutes to see the boat-dear God- I let my only son die!_

_No. Stop it. _

His eyes had moved around the place, picturing it as he remembered it. In the divorce he had given it all to her, he hadn't fought her accusations of adultery. His glance had fallen on the telephone.

_The wires had been cut._

His hand went automatically to his gun in its shoulder holster, until he realized it wasn't there. _Claire and her distaste for anything Shado_, he thought. _Alec at least is armed. I wonder if Claire with her fear of guns even knows that? _He started toward the door to fetch Alec. He didn't want to alarm Mary.

"Ed you're not leaving?" She'd come into the room with his cup of coffee and her tea on a tray.

Reluctantly he turned and indicated the telephone with a swoop of his hand. She turned and looked at it strangely.

"Oh God, yes! I didn't tell you about that. Phone calls, awful phone calls. "

"Who cut the wires?"

"Ed forget about that, have some coffee, you look so tired."

"_Mary, I asked you a question_."

She looked at the phone again. Then back to him. She set down the tray.

"I did." she confessed.

"Why?"

"The phone calls, he made awful phone calls. Rutland. I thought I could rely on him. I thought we'd even have a child together to save our marriage. I was so foolish to let go of you, Ed."

"_Tell me exactly what happened."_

"Oh, you've gone all hard now for God's sake. Must you always be like that?"

"Mary, I didn't come here to argue with you. Ford told me you were hysterical, calling the studio like that. Is there actually an emergency? Why am I _really_ here, Mary? "

"Is it such a burden to you to have any compassion for your wife!" she shrieked.

Straker took a deep breath.

"You aren't my wife." he replied, hard. "You haven't been my wife for a long time."

"Oh sweetheart, I shouldn't have said that to you. It's just that the divorce is final and I was remembering the first time I saw you. "

"Mary, I remember how rough a divorce can be. I went through one, remember?"

"Do you always have to be so bloody cold toward me?"

"Mary, I'm _going. _I'll make sure you get some counseling. I'm _going."_

"Please Ed I'm all alone now. Will it make any difference if you get to the studio a little late? You're supposed to be their boss. Just have one cup of coffee with me. Just one. We used to be so good together, Ed."

"Mary, I have to go."

"Yes, I remember. You always have to go. You're a big important man. But can't you stay and have a cup of coffee with me for once?"

"Mary, I'll look into finding the best people for support in London and get you some help."

"I'm not crazy . I just want you to stay with me for a few more minutes."

"Mary, _Mary_."

Her eyes welled up with tears.

" Please Ed! For Johnny's sake?"

Straker hesitated.

"_One_ cup of coffee." he replied.

"I hope you like it."

"I'm sure I will." _What did I tell Claire? Emotional blackmail? Damn it I don't feel well._

"Well, have some, Darling."

"Let's be clear here. We've been divorced a long time. Our feelings for one another are not the same. They can never be the same. I can see how you'd be drawn to our past together. But we have to keep that kind of thing in check. That's the first step to healing. Facing our dilemmas straight on and then carrying on with our lives." He took an experimental sip of the coffee she handed him. It had more sugar than he preferred but it was best not to complain. Mary seemed on edge. He suddenly wondered if his preference for two teaspoons of sugar had anything to do with his mother's aversion to giving him anything sweet that might spoil his appetite. He almost smiled but that was cut off by the look on her face. Her hands were in her pockets also she was smiling at him in an odd way, almost triumphant. "What is it Mary?"

"Don't you like the coffee? You made such a face tasting it. I was worried you didn't like the coffee."

He looked at her in pure horror.

"Dear _God. _You drugged it, didn't you? Didn't you, Jenkins? No. Wait. That isn't happening now. This isn't happening to me again, it can't be. _Why, Mary, why?" _The cup fell out of his hand. He fell, hard. It seemed to be an eternity before he heard the crash. Her expression was ugly now, and her face kept changing, turning into Jenkins'. He somehow managed to get halfway to his feet then he slipped down helplessly. She was screaming at him. He felt his head split open, and started to jerk in a seizure. She didn't even notice how ill he was, just kept screaming at him. His eyes focused again. He tried to stand up. She was yelling at him.

"_**WHY? **_You ask me why? Where do you get the nerve to ask me why? He left me, got a divorce because I couldn't forget you. You, you_, you! _Haven't you done _enough_ damage to me, Ed? You killed our son, you lied to me behind my back you had that dirty affair, with a --with a black woman! Mother told me it wasn't a good idea to marry an American but you were such a good catch-"

"What's going on?" Alec burst into the room. "I thought I heard a crash."

"Thank God you're here Alec. Get Claire. Mary dosed my coffee with something. " Straker said weakly. "Get the cup to the lab. Pick it up with a newspaper or something, don't touch it barehanded."

"What the hell did you do to him now you son of a bitch?" Alec growled, taking a shaking Straker by one arm and helping him to a chair.

"No! Why are you still here? Damn you! You aren't supposed to be here! I made sure he couldn't call for help. I cut the telephone wires. I saw how it was done in a play. You aren't supposed to be here! I told Ed to come alone!"

Claire sat feeling numb in the car. Then she heard it. The odd buzzing.

"Perry?" she said, bewildered. Then she heard the voice.

_Go to Straker._

"DAD?"

_**Damn it, get to him!**_

She shoved the car door open and crossed the distance between it and the house as if she was a Olympics gold medal sprinter.

She entered in time to see Mary Rutland bring up a gun from her pocket.

"No Alec, you see, I thought of everything. I thought of- who is _she?"_

Claire threw herself in front of Straker who was attempting to stand up again.

"**_No_**_. _You aren't going to hurt him again Mary. Nothing's going to hurt Edward again as long as I am alive."

"Put the gun down, Rutland. Believe me, I'll blow you away. Claire, get Ed out of here, take him to Mayland, she drugged his coffee."

"For the love of God Mary where did you get that gun?" Straker asked. "Don't force Alec to shoot you. _Please. _I'll get you some help."

"**Claire, get Ed the hell out of here!"**

"No, it isn't any good Alec, I'm dying. This is better. Faster. I always was an impatient man." he managed a smile.

"Damn it you can't give up like this. I need you."

"Is she the newest one?" Mary snarled. "Another whore?"

"_What? _Now you listen to me Mary. Tell me what you put in his coffee. That was very clever of you. Very clever indeed. Now he'll understand how badly he hurt you won't he?"

"Yes. You're right. It was something to make him drowsy. So he wouldn't go for his gun. Ed's very good with guns. My husband owned this one, he'd use it in the hunt if a horse broke a leg or something. He had a permit for it. He once showed me how to use it in case the house was burgled. So I made it look as if it was. I cut the wires. I was careful. I was rather clever wasn't I?"

"What was it you used on Edward, Mary? A sedative? "

"Choral something, the label says, just a little really. I didn't want him to fall asleep I wanted to make him feel pain like I had."

"Choral hydrate. Alec, if she's telling the truth Edward will be okay. Alec, do it. Shoot her, don't let her kill him."

"What the hell are you saying Claire? She won't shoot me for God's sake!" Straker cried, getting to his feet. "Alec put down the gun!"

"Alec, she'll kill him! Shoot her."

"Claire, no! Get off of me, I'm capable of protecting myself."

"Edward the virus is interfering with your rational thought processes. She drugged you, She brought you here to _kill _you."

"She's right. Ed cheated on me with some vile black woman, it was so dirty-"

Claire couldn't stand it any longer.

"_He _cheated on you? Did you ever really know this man at all? Did you really believe he'd do that to you? He isn't that kind of man. He never was." Claire told her, anger in her every pore. "You didn't take responsibility for your own part in his son's death, your neglect of your son-not caring that you'd taken away the name of his father, the father he loved-"

_How do I know that? How? Oh God, the Between-oh no-_

"No, you haven't got the right to speak to me like that!"

"I'm warning you-" Alec said.

Mary Rutland fired wildly a second after Alec's answering fire. The bullets went wild as she fell.

"_**Oh my God**_**. **_**My God, my God my God**_." Straker was suddenly saying in the unexpected silence. He sank to his knees vainly trying to hold a bleeding Claire Swanson up.

"Daddy it hurts so bad its burning. Have I been shot, Daddy? My God, oh God it hurts someone help me oh my Edward you're here, _I'm so glad, I love- I love you-" _She sank against him, gone.

"_Ed, my God. _I did what I had to. I -oh my God. I'm so sorry. She was going to shoot-_Christ_-" Alec stammered.

Straker's eyes filled with tears that streamed down his pale face as he held her body close to his.

"Claire hated guns Alec. She said she'd die for me. I didn't take her seriously. She meant it. I loved her, Alec. She made me feel alive again , she made me see that what Duval had said was a lie. She gave me hope that things would be-" Straker coughed painfully, bringing up bright bubbles of blood.

"Jesus Christ, Mary got you. Oh my God she got you! I'll get an ambulance."

"How Alec? Mary cut the wires and Perry has your cell."

"Your cell, Ed!" Alec desperately searched in Straker's Nehru jacket, now soaked with blood. Ed gasped in pain as he did so. Alec located and grasped the cell his hands bloodied now, blood covered the gash on his finger from the penknife.

The cell was shattered by the bullets that had cut into Straker.

Straker tried to laugh, then he fell across a horrified Alec. Alec cradled him in his arms.

"Come on, damn it Ed. Don't do this to me. You always were something of-something of-"

"A father to you? Alec, my dear old friend, you have to keep it going. Shado. I can't anymore. _It's time to say goodbye Alec."_

"What does Shado mean to me now? What does anything mean to me, if you die? Don't you see that? Don't you know what you've meant to me over the years?"

"I keep disappointing people I cared for. Now you. Funny, it doesn't hurt all that bad now. Must be the virus-" Straker coughed up another mass of blood.

"Don't, Ed. I won't let you. You can't leave me!"

"Close her eyes for me, Alec. Give her a full ceremonial funeral as a Shado operative. Give her the posthumous rank of lieutenant. No, maybe not. She hated anything Shado. In the end she made the right decision, to shoot Mary. I hope Mary in the end found peace. Do you think there's an afterlife, Alec? I'm going to locate and really chew out Claire, she didn't obey_-never obeyed-"_

Commander Straker lie dead in his second-in-command's arms.

Alec buried his head in the corpse's chest as though through that one gesture he could follow Straker to wherever he had gone. He willed Straker to speak again, that voice, that attitude, everything he was not. Straker was gone. Alec had seen so many go quick like that in the war. Straker was different. Straker was supposed to live forever. He was a legend. He was feared. _He was Straker. _Straker's blood was all over his hands. He'd killed him protecting his pride.

Alec began to keel, a long eerie cry. Then he sobbed, as he held the body close to him.

"You lousy son of a bitch Bostonian. You always had to win, didn't you? Straker is always Straker. Be at peace, Ed. Be with your son and your girl. I was wrong about her. She was right, ," Alec sobbed. "I could have stopped you. But I didn't." Alec's fingers closed over the gun butt. "I'm sorry Ed. I wasn't truly alive until I stepped into that hospital room in Thailand. You inspired me. Shado's better off run by young men like Peter. He got that hag Duval good. Her money will keep your dream running for a long long time. Useless old relics like me are finished,. I never was as good as you, Commander. You were just superb at making me think so."

"_Not at all, Alec_." Perry said quietly behind him. "Edward knew what he was doing when he made you his right hand man. It was perhaps his finest decision."

"Perry! My God, he's-" Alec lowered Straker down with the utmost gentleness, closed his eyelids reverently and stood up.

"Yes. I know. I'm afraid you have to join him the Goddess won't allow anything less. Please don't try to run, I would hate to have hurt you too much." Perry brought up a Mauser but Alec was faster with his Sig Sauer loaded with hollow point slugs.

"You filthy fucking bastard, you betraying son of a bitch. Did you get Mary to lure Straker here? Is that why you got me drunk and took my phone? I have bullets left in my gun and I was trained by an expert. Now he's dead but I'm not yet. _I may die but by God so will you you'll follow me to hell."_

"It isn't what you think, Alec. By the Goddess it isn't what you think. You must believe that-oh merciful heaven, Claire! All that blood! That's not what I saw in the Between! Not my little Claire!"

"_Go fry in hell!" _Alec said with everything he had in him.

"_**FREEMAN." **_Reginald Devon said. Alec turned and a bullet entered his heart.

However a fraction of a second before that Alec desperately fired in Reginald's direction.

The bullet met a target, splattered Reginald's hand into a raw ugly mass of blood and he was unconscious before he hit the floor bleeding heavily.

Somehow, Peregrine Falcon reached for and drew out Alec's cell phone from a pocket. Infinitely slowly he called for Algernon to come as quickly as he could.

_Then he fainted._

Chapter Twelve: **The Beautiful Boy**

_Alec Freeman was irritated. Straker had sent him on a fool's errand. He seemed to be at a library, but he wasn't exactly sure where until he heard the accents. Boston. Of course. Me in a library. The only time I ever went near a library was to hide from the police after my mates talked me into breaking into a house for the thrill of it. I wonder if Ed even knows I have a police record? What am I saying? As Peter said, he''s God and God knows all. Straker is Straker. The odd thing was he didn't really remember why he was there. Plus there was that damn constant buzzing. _

Alec's eyes fell on a sign.

_**INFORMATION.**_

Well that's a start. He made his way toward the ancient woman behind the desk with white hair in braids that wound twice around her head like a coronet. Only there were four or five people in front of him.

_God, he hated Ed. He could picture him grinning. God, he would need a drink soon. Did anyone drink in this infernal place? He knew the puritanical Straker never touched it. Takes control not to drink. Codswallop. One day he would sit Ed down and they'd have a drinking contest like proper mates. He'd see just who the better man was. Damn the man, he could picture that thin smile. Heart blacker than coal, too. He actually seemed to be keen on the operatives living in sheer terror of him. Plus he never slept! Never drank, never slept, never complained, why the hell did he work for the man anyway? He'd resign as soon as he got back. The problem was that lately Straker would look up in innocence and ask what number resignation was this one?_

'_Alec, you resign from Shado the way your women change their frocks. Often, expensively and without need. '_

The worse thing was Straker was right.

"_Are you lost?"_

Alec looked around. Now he was hearing things. Someone tugged at his jacket.

"Oh. I didn't see you down there. Yeah, I'm sort of lost. How did you know?"

The kid looking up at Alec as if he ran into wayward Australians every day had big, somber blue eyes , a head full of blond curls and wore impossibly starched clothing. He was in line ahead of the Australian, and carried several books under his arm.

"Everyone else around here looks comfortable with what they are doing. You didn't. I notice things like that. I make up stories about people when I'm not studying here too. It helps the time go by. My mother makes sure I study literature along with the sciences and math. My father hates it. I don't mind it. I like learning about everything. I read a lot. The teachers wanted to let me skip grades but mother wouldn't allow it. I've been able to read well for a long time. I like reading. Literature is inspirational but studying science and mathematics is really splendid."

"Just how old are you?" Alec asked, staring at the boy disbelievingly.

"Six and a half. I'm Edward. What's your name? You're an Australian aren't you?"

"Is there anything you don't know? I'm Alec. " Alec thought it curious that the boy had Straker's name and probably his maddening familiarity with about just anything you could come up with no matter how arcane.

"Pleased to meet you, Alec. Can I help you?"

"You don't quite reach up to my kneecaps and you think you can help me?"

"Mother says I'll get my spurt of growth any day now. Besides, you don't have to be rude."

Alec chuckled. Then he frowned. He saw an darker area around the boy's neck half hidden by his collar and his flaxen hair. He was bruised. There also was a swelling around the boy's mouth that he hadn't spotted before. Alec pointed.

"Who did that to you?" he demanded to know.

"It doesn't matter, Alec. They won't ever do it again once I know how to defend myself. That's why I'm in the line for Hannah."

"Who?"

"Hannah Noland. She's a librarian here. Her name wasn't always Noland. She changed it after the Americans liberated the concentration camp victims. She was at Dachau but she survived. I've seen her tattoo. She won't even tell me her real name, that's how scared she is. She's a real heroine. I've met her adopted son. His name is Jacob but everyone calls him Jay. He's studying law even with some of his classmates calling him names because he's Jewish and speaks Hebrew as well as he speaks English. I like law. I'm going into the military though then as soon as I can, I'm going to be a pilot. One day I'll be in space."

Alec stared at him. It couldn't be.

"What's your name?"

"Have you forgotten already?"

That same maddening half smile. He could see now where the scar was forming. It had to be, it was him!

"Tell me your family name!"

"You don't work for my father, do you?" The boy looked frightened.

"Ah! My favorite, my little gentleman Edward but your mother doesn't feed you right. I am going on my dinner break , my beautiful boy. You will come home with me and my son and I will fatten you up. Are those bullies at school still hurting you? They are just jealous of my little gentleman. Oy! Your poor face. "

"Did you find those self defense books I asked for, Hannah?" the boy had brightened at seeing her. She stroked his hair lovingly.

"I found something better. For you little genius I always find something better. Who is this gentleman staring at us?"

"Oh, don't worry, Hannah. He's not a Nazi. At least I never heard of an Australian Nazi. Hannah, have you?" the boy squinted at Alec curiously.

Hannah came from behind the desk and pulled the boy to her protectively.

"I'm Alec Freeman. Who is this boy? Wait!

"It's time to say goodbye, Alec." the boy smiled and waved.

_It's time to say goodbye, Alec._

"No wait!"

Hannah turned momentarily, studied Alec's face. Something in it gave her reassurance as she continued to hold Straker tight.

"This boy? This boy you ask? This boy is Edward Straker. One day the whole world will know that name. It means guardian who strikes. Good day to you Mr. Freeman."

"Straker! No, no **NO**!" Take Ed in with you for God's sake! Don't let him fly! He's going to be killed by his crazy ex-wife! Wait! Wait! Ed!"

The mists that made up the Between closed in on Alec.

Chapter Thirteen: **The Ugly Boy **

Straker was walking along the shoreline, enjoying the water lapping over his bare feet. He was vaguely aware he was wearing nothing but a gown that seemed to be made of white linen with gold threads running through it that caught the light. Or maybe it was cotton. Details, Alec would tell him.

_Your head is full of too many details Ed, and you're exhausted. Sky one got the UFO. Go home and get a square meal, and by the way, a square meal is not toast and lukewarm coffee. Go home Commander. I'll mind the store for you._

It hardly mattered now. He was dead. So he was walking along a Boston shoreline, with some flimsy but comfortable garment all that stood between him and some angel with a badge arresting him for indecent exposure. The wind was so cleansing, it felt so wonderful he felt at complete peace.

_If only the humming would stop. Or was it buzzing? All right I'm at the age where you start to lose your hearing, and one indication of it is that blasted humming, but you'd think that a dead person wouldn't-_

"_Where the hell am I?" _Straker said aloud.

The shore had changed. The heat became oppressive. Straker resolved to find some shelter. He burned far too easily in the sun, a fact that Alec took much amusement in, and besides, the sand was flying around stinging him like his memories. He walked, then he walked and he walked some more. Night fell. He tried to figure out from the constellations where the hell he might be but he soon wasn't even sure what a constellation was. There were a million bodies of light twinkling in the sky. He looked away from the sky and found himself turning a corner. Three kids, he put them at about six to ten years old, were chattering noisily in an odd accent and he decided to ask them for directions. They got closer. One looked vaguely familiar to him, he wasn't sure why.

"Excuse me, folks. What part of town-"

"Bloody coward Freeman, that's what you are!"

"You say that again and I'll knock your bloody head off."

"Then have a go at it be a sport. What do you have to lose? It's just a harmless bit of fun."

"Right then. That's just asking for my stepfather to toss me arse out of the house again. My mum won't say a word against it either. She thinks the sun comes up and goes down in that man. I say all he sees in her is the bloody station and how much quid he gets for her sheep."

"Did she really kill your dog?"

"I'm not talking about it again. I told you that!"

"Come on, don't be a groaner. We're your mates."

"Oh that's mighty of you. You're wanting me to break into a house of a neighbor I hardly know. What has he ever done to me?"

"What has he done? What has he done? I'll tell you what he's done. He's an adult. There's no worse crime, I say. "

"Tell us about the dog, Alexander."

The boy grabbed the speaker with a elbow lodged under his neck and flashed a wicked looking knife out from nowhere. "You call me that pansy conqueror name me mum gave me as a joke and I'll be put behind bars again but you'll be deader than my dog."

"Right, too right! I'm just having a bit of fun. Right? All for fun."

"You think her killing me only friend was fun? He was teaching her to drive that damn lorry. A mere woman, a Sheila she is and not in the least attractive at that acting like she was a man and he lets her. Shows how twisted he is. So he's teaching her to switch gears, and Jacks came running out, running out barking. I was in the paddock with a lot of blasted sheep, I can't stand the blasted things. My brothers had gone to town after winning a bit of money at cards not caring to take me, Alec the ugly runt, black sheep that I am. So my stepfather finally remembers I can breathe and I have two arms and he makes me shear the damn things. With all the noise the sheep were making, I didn't hear my dog screaming. I raised it from a pup I found half dead in the outback, and it had dingo blood in it wild it was, like me, and ugly like me. I was the only one it trusted, it was the only one I trusted. Mum hated it, said it was cursed or some damn Abo superstitious thing. So she comes and gets me, and I could hear it screaming and I turned me head away scared but she made me look. My poor Jacks, screaming like that. Knew what I had to do. Knew the vet wouldn't bother to treat it. So I took my stepfather's rifle and I put him down."

"_You_ did it?"

"You're not pulling a fast one on us?"

" You used a real gun?"

"I used a rifle, idiots. All of us Freeman's could use a rifle before we could walk on two feet and a gun is a lot easier to use. I've killed more snakes than I can count."

"_Adults_, that's what they are Alec. Bloody adults. Ordering us around. We're men aren't we? We know what a Sheila is for, don't we? Let's have a drink like a man. Come on Alec, let's drink to us."

"What's that stuff?"

"Whisky. Took it out of my old man's cabinet. When he can't buy it in town he makes it in the basement, thinks Mum doesn't know. This stuff is store bought the best, a treat. "

"I don't know. I smell it all the time, that rotten heavy smell on my stepfather and I swore I'd never touch it if ever given a chance."

"_Stop it all of you! Pour that out NOW_." Straker snapped.

They didn't seem to hear him although he was right in front of them, and a shudder went through his body.

_My God. Alec. If only I'd told you. My father came home a decorated Army hero, but he also came home a drunk. I swore the same thing you have, that I'd never touch it. I admit now as a young man I was afraid to have his blood in me, afraid I would become just like him, the way my mother feared I'd be. I just couldn't bring myself to tell you that. Shell shock, remember Alec? It was called shell shock at that time. Young men and women sent out to do and witness things that scarred them forever. Don't let them bully you. They're making fun of you Alec. They're just using you for entertainment, they aren't your friends. You have to hear me, Alec. You have to. I can't stand to see you treated this way._

"Come on, have a go Alec. We're mates, remember?"

"You go first."

"Not bloody likely, you're the eldest, and the bravest, too. You used a rifle you did."

"Too right. I used it to kill. I never want to do that again. I don't even like killing the snakes, but it's the really bad men and snakes you have to get before they get you. All right. Give me the bloody thing."

Straker watched Alec drink half the contents of the bottle with a sinking heart. As he had expected, the youth coughed and sputtered and threw up noisily. The others laughed, told him it was basement made, mocked him and ran off. After a while, the youth smashed the bottle against a wall and sat on a rock, head hanging down, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Straker came quietly up to him, crouched beside him and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"_Alec." _Straker said with pure tenderness.

The boy's head shot up, and he turned white. "Who the bloody hell are you? How'd you know my name?"

"Thank God you can see me now."

"I don't believe in God."

Straker smiled. "You will someday."

" Rubbish. You an American?"

" That's right. I'm from Boston. This is Australia?"

"Where else do you think you were?"

"You'd be surprised."

"You balmy or something?"

"Or something. " Straker replied.

"You're a weird one."

"So I've been told."

"Why do you look like a bleedin' maharajah that should be on an elephant?"

"A what? Oh. This blue jacket. Well, how the blazes did that happen? I seem to be in my work clothes now. "

"You wear _that _to work?"

"Yeah. I know_. I should have warned you_." Straker smiled at the memory. "Alec will you do something for me?"

"Why should I do anything for a Yank?"

"Oh I don't know. Humor me. I'm balmy, I might be as dangerous as a snake."

Alec laughed. Straker smiled.

"You aren't dangerous. There's something solid good and pure about you."

"Is there?"

"I like you."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. You have any kids at home like me?"

"One, but he died long ago in a car accident. I blamed myself for his death once, but there's no point in that now."

"I don't even know your name."

"Sorry. It's Edward Straker."

" That's too fanciful for me. I'll always call you Ed. What was it you wanted me to do for you, Ed?"

"I want you to remember what a special person I've always thought you are, one of the most decent people I ever met who wasn't afraid to put me in my place when I needed it. If I was the brains of Shado, then you're its heart and soul. I never want you to give up on yourself after my death, Alec. I owe my life to you many times over."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well, I do. There's something else I want you to remember. I believe that animals have souls. I think you'll find Jacks again someday. Maybe even a strange mouse I named after you might be with him." he chuckled.

Straker got up, dusted himself off carefully without need.

"You scared of a little dirt?"

"Most likely I am. My mother hated me playing outside and getting dirty. If you thought your mother was bad-"

"Do you have to go?"

"I'll see you again one day. I promise you that, Alec. Can I shake your hand?"

"Sure."

The two of them shook hands. Straker seemed to consider something.

"Details. Being aloof. Where has that ever gotten me?" he muttered with a grin. Then he reached down and hugged Alec tightly. The boy responded in turn.

"I like you Straker, you're fair dinkum. You're the first adult I've ever really liked."

"People will like you back in Shado, Alec. As a matter of fact, a lot better than they liked me." Straker chuckled.

The blasted humming had started again.

_It's time to say goodbye, Alec._

" No Ed. No. NO NO!"

Chapter Fourteen: **The Fairytale Ends**

Claire was sitting in her pink and gold bedroom, carefully pouring an imaginary cup of imaginary coffee for her stuffed bear.

"How do you do, Prince Bear, oh that's a wonderful new suit you have on today. Let me introduce you to Miss Rabbit. You do? Well, I don't know, you just met. Daddy says wonderful things happen in fairytales, so maybe you did fall in love with Miss Rabbit at first sight. You'll marry her. She'll be Princess Rabbit then. You'll live in a big castle with dragon guards."

"Didn't you marry that very same rabbit to your hedgehog last week?"

"_DADDY! DADDY! _You're home! What did you bring me this time?"

"Now let's see. I don't seem to remember. I've had a busy day at the hospital. Come give me a big hug and that might help my memory."

She jumped out of her bed and squeezed him tight. She stepped away to look at him. His teeth were clenched.

_I shouldn't be able to see that. Angina. No. I don't want to see this. Make the buzzing go away. That woman killed Edward. Oh my God, Edward. EDWARD!_

"Daddy, what's the matter?" she heard herself ask.

_Damn it, go tell your mother. Get him an ambulance. No, I didn't know, I'm too small yet. Ten years old? Eleven? Piano and ballet and tap dance classes I hated? No Mother, I am going into medical school, I don't give a damn if you don't think that's proper! Want to hear more, Mother? I'm going to work in a clinic as soon as I finish my internship. Disown me? That's fine with me, your damn money doesn't mean a thing to me. Oh God, Perry, the Between isn't a good place! You don't see everything! I failed! I didn't find a cure for either of them!_

"Sweetheart, it's nothing, just indigestion."

"No, Dad. You're dying. You knew, didn't you. You knew like Edward knew. All this damn masculine crap you men share about being stoic. That stupid pride. We could have saved you! "

"Sweetheart, I felt like a imposter. I welcomed death when it came, I was already dead inside in a life without living, what's done is done. "

The little girl's bedroom faded, and they were on a beach, their hair and clothes flapping in the wind, almost right on time to the buzzing that she knew meant she was between realities and unrealities, fates and misfortune, injustice and justice. The Between.

"_I hate you! I hate you! _How could you die on me like that? You were all that mattered to me in life!"

" I'm not what you think. The fact that I lied traps me here in the Between. All this time you've hated your mother for acting like she did at my funeral. It wasn't her fault. Listen to me sweetheart. This is going to be hard, but listen."

"NO NO NO! I hate the Between. Let me go back, Daddy! Give me the happy ending please. You're going to tell me I'll never see Edward again. I won't hear it! I couldn't save him and now I'll be forever alone in here! Perry told me the longer you stay in here, the less likely you'll ever leave. He said if you die in the Between you die forever and never go to the Goddess. I just can't go back _or _stay here! I can't lose you over and over, Daddy!"

"Claire, your mother didn't hate me because she was a cruel person. She hated me because I knew and she knew what kind of man I really was. I knew the one thing that would destroy all she had lived for. I had married her out of pity because my best friend got her pregnant on the night he raped her. Not because I loved her. It was Bill, hon. My best friend since grade school. He'd raped her one night because I chickened out, and I was too drunk to stop him. She loved me, and I didn't want her, I thought she was stuck up and I didn't stop him. I didn't know what was happening, I couldn't hold my liquor, I passed out. I didn't want to admit to myself that he wasn't any good. I didn't want anything to do with her, but she forced me to say you were mine or else she'd ruin my career. Honey, I'm so sorry, please, Honey."

"No-" she said softly. "_No don't say anymore-"_

"He raped her and he left her and he took my car for a joy ride and he rammed it into a wall and burned himself to ash. We were drunk together, we'd grown up together, he was practically my twin. We'd would have gotten the practice we wanted, we would have become doctors together. We were going to do great things together, no, Claire-don't hate me!"

"Don't touch me! _DON'T TOUCH ME_! I'm not even your daughter! I'm not even your daughter! I'm just the daughter of a rapist! _Dear GOD!"_

"Honey, please! Please!"

"I adored you! I looked up to you! I thought I had your genius. I'm nothing now! I hate your guts! Imposter? I'm the imposter! I wanted to be you! What a joke! You're a disgusting bastard! You make me SICK!"

Claire ran. Someone caught her.

"_Child."_

"No Perry don't touch me. You knew, didn't you? You knew about Mary and you lied to me. You said the Goddess wouldn't claim Edward. Now he's dead. Life without living. Living with no joy, no purpose. Waiting for death. Edward wasn't right to pretend to be cold. Alec and I really loved him. He just couldn't see past his duty, past the scars he carried inside. He was afraid to be loved and I made it harder on him. I couldn't be in a world without him. So if I couldn't cure him at least I'd follow him into death by being his lover. Allowing the sperm to infect me too."

"My Claire, Edward hasn't been claimed by the Goddess. He's going to return to the world you came from. So is Alec. So are you. The Goddess showed me that, but I was arrogant, I didn't see your death happen. You weren't supposed to die by the hand of that woman, who suffered from the hate that she nurtured inside her like a second son. The three of you were supposed to die together from the virus, not in violence. "

" _Three? _Alec is dead? Perry, Alec wasn't infected, it isn't right!"

"Child, the Goddess ordained he cut himself by accident, from being worried about Edward and he held Edward I'm afraid."

"Oh dear God. Blood transfer!"

"Child I tried to shoot him to make his death fast so that he would not have to endure what the virus would do to him. I could not. Reginald did. I am afraid he paid dearly for it. Alec crippled Regs' hand with a hollow point bullet, trying to kill me. It is my fault. I should not have questioned the Goddess. I should have not manipulated fates."

"What kind of monster are you Perry? What's wrong with me that I trust only monsters?" she sobbed.

"Nothing, child. Edward is no monster neither is Alec. You will listen to me. Edward was dying. He knew this. Had only you and Edward died from the virus, Alec would have lived on in misery as an old man bound by the duty Edward swore him to, heading Shado, totally dead in heart and soul, alone. Leading a life without living in Edward's place, faithful to him until death. In all of us, and the Goddess has shown this to be truth, exists a child, like a seed. Edward has now seen the child. Alec has seen the child. What would have changed everything will now be undone. Alec will save Edward long before he ever lays eyes on the grown Commander. Reginald told me he grew up like Alec, for Reginald is skilled in seeing the Beyond perhaps more skilled than I. He had no faith in himself. He turned himself into a rock, not in the way the Goddess gifted me with a gift long ago forgotten by humans, but into something that couldn't ever be hurt by anything or anyone. The Goddess led him to me to be healed and we were like separated brothers. He knew what I planned and knew I would not have the heart to do it. I know about his wound from the penknife. I did not know the Goddess wouldn't be so cruel as to let him linger with the sickness. I took matters into my own hands. Alec believed me to be a traitor. He died believing that. I do not know what the Goddess intends for us now. "

"Perry for God's sake why didn't you just tell us?"

"Do you believe Alec and Edward would take me seriously? That the Goddess ordained that Jenkins poison him with something that would ultimately restore his life? That he would have to die for it to succeed?"

"_What?"_

"My child, what Jenkins gave Edward was a virus she believed would weaken and kill him. a virus the aliens abandoned as a possible restorative to their organs, thinking it had mutated into something deadly but useless. It had mutated into something that _worked_. Upon death of the host, it slowly reverses the process and slows aging down then reanimates the body. Having done so, it becomes no more harmless than any of the germs that normally live in a human host but the host becomes nearly immortal. I confess I do not understand it, but the Goddess showed all of it to me."

"What you're describing isn't medically possible, Perry. We can crack open a chest and stop a heart, but only for a certain amount of time. If I believed that stopping their hearts-"

"Indeed! But Claire you would not. Edward would not. Alec most certainly would not. What proof could I show? Turn into a frog? A goat? His much spoiled mouse? He would take me immediately to the-oh DEAR!"

"_What?"_

"If Shado 's people come looking for them they will perform a post mortem on the three of you and _really_ kill you! You have all been dead for three days."

"Pins and needles Perry! You have to get me out of here! I have to try and postpone any search for Edward and Alec. I need to live!"

"Claire child, how can I? It is _you _that must leave the Between, willingly."

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

Perry pointed. "Release your father from the guilt that traps him here. "

"_Honey?" _her Dad's voice called from far away.

Claire bit her lip.

"I don't know that I can forgive Dad. I've blamed mother for so long. I could go to her, tell her what I know, say I had a DNA test or something, found out, oh pins and needles, she wouldn't want me to know, would she? More of that stupid pride."

"Go see your young man and his friend, Claire. I can stay here. I sent you in that house with that woman for a reason. I knew where you belonged."

"You understand what you are deciding can not be undone, Nathaniel Swanson?" Perry said solemnly.

"Yes, Perry. She may not be mine, but I always loved her."

"Daddy. Oh Daddy. It's so awful of me to hate and never forgive. Look what it did to Edward's wife, it blinded her to the truth in his soul .I can't leave you here all alone."

Peregrine Falcon smiled as a blurred shape opened. The buzzing became louder, and it got nearly impossible to see through the swirls of the mist. A young gorgeous woman stepped past him and reached to a fading Nathaniel Swanson as wind seized Claire's hair and hurled it to and fro in a wild dance.

"He won't be alone darling." the woman promised in a gentle tone.

"Margaret!" her Dad cried.

"Mama?" Claire said in bewilderment.

Perry took her hand and the mists surrounded Claire as she cried above the din of the buzzing, _"But Perry, my mother isn't dead! Tell Daddy that can't be her. She didn't believe in anything and she isn't dead!"_

"The Goddess assumes as many shapes as her children need in order to know her presence." Peregrine Falcon said softly to Claire in a voice that wasn't his then she knew nothing else.

Chapter Fifteen: **The Incident**

Alec Freeman screamed Straker's name until his throat was raw. He found he'd been squeezing his eyes shut as he did so. He opened them slowly. For miles there was grey. Hundreds of miles of grey and that eerie buzzing, or humming sound.

_Was this hell he was in then? Was it? It wasn't much different than the Outback._

_So this was what death meant. Death for Ed and for him and for Claire. He hadn't even been able to take command of Shado as Straker had asked him to. He couldn't even give him that. He had let his best mate down. He was dead._

Tears ran down his weathered cheeks,

_So does this mean my father will come for me here? Has my real father loved me? My stepfather and my mother never did._

_Ed never talked to me about his father and rarely spoke about his mother. I know that his father was in the military. When Croxley nearly killed Ed, he'd been thinking about his mother. Will Straker's mother come for him, wherever he's gone now? If there is a heaven, then Ed deserves to finally lay down his burden there, with his son and his Claire._

A woman appeared at his side. He knew that her name was Iris and that she was Ed Straker's mother. He didn't care how he knew.

"_Alec. You must help me. You must find my little boy Edward, he's so lost_."

"You were searching for Ed Straker at his house, weren't you? Only the Derry couple were there and you scared the wife. You were only searching for Ed to take him home."

"_You need to stop him, Alec. Or you'll never see him again."_

"Ed's _**dead. **_Don't you understand that? Christ, is this place my own personal hell then? Will you always be seeking him, but never find him and think I'm to blame?"

"_He's coming. I wasn't there, don't you understand? My husband let me go and visit some friends. I thought my son was safe at school. Edward was always so bright, so bright it scared me. I tried not to allow his father to influence him, Alec, but he did. I kept quiet, Alec, about what his father was doing to me. You didn't talk about those things you didn't defy your husband or divorce. Nobody dared talk about mental illness back then. __**The incident. It happened, Alec."**_

"What happened?" Alec asked, confused.

" _The incident! You must stop him."_

"Damn it, I don't understand."

"_Look," _she said.

Alec did.

At first he didn't see anything. Then two figures came up over terrain one much shorter than the other. Leaves began to swirl underneath his feet, teased alive by an biting winter wind. The snow was falling, and made it difficult to see many details of the area.

He heard voices.

"Dad, why did you come and get me out of school early?"

"I told you. You're always with your mother. It's time you came with me for a change. "

"You always say you're too busy to spend time with-"

"Shut up, will you? You're just like your mother. Talk, talk, talk. She wanted you to appreciate nature, didn't she? Isn't it nice up here? I'm going to show you a place where I played when I was a kid about your age."

"Really?" the boy was enthused at the idea.

Alec started walking toward them, dread filling his heart.

"Didn't I just say so? You know what's wrong with you, boy? You're always so full of questions. Life isn't about questions, boy. You'll see that. You'll see that soon enough."

"Don't walk so fast, Dad! I can't keep up!"

"That's because she's made you soft, hasn't she? Taught you all about those books of hers. Books from that England. Country full of queers is what I say it is."

"Don't talk about it like that. "

"So you know what that meant, huh?" the man laughed.

"I know about prejudice, yes. I know what they do to Jacob, just because he was born Jewish. I know what hatred means. "

"Filthy kike. I should have expected Malone to take in a kike for his practice, he's a fucking horse's ass. He doesn't think I know. Idiots the two of them thinking they can screw around behind my back like that."

" Stop it. Mother wouldn't do that. She isn't that kind of a person."

"Listen to you now! So you know what I mean. Tell me, boy, have you ever looked at a woman? Have you ever felt up the girls at school? No, not you, you're her beautiful little boy, aren't you? That's what she thinks. I don't think you're so innocent. You just don't have what it takes to grow up and be a real man."

"Dad, you're drunk, aren't you? You're drunk again. I can smell the peppermint lozenge on your breath. You didn't want the teachers to know you drink. All right, Dad. I've had enough of this. Let's go home. Dad don't, you're hurting me!"

"Scream all you want, Eddie boy. Your mama can't come and hold you now, can she?"

"_Let me go! I said let me go. Take your hand off me!"_

"Do you know where your mama is, boy? With Malone. With your kike friend's boss, Malone. I trusted him, boy. What did I get for it? He spit on me when I came home. He's screwing your so called pure Mama. Sure he-, look at me. Look at me, boy! Look at me when I talk to you!"

"No! _You_ look at me this time, Dad. You listen to me! I'm not scared of you anymore. Don't you understand that?"

The boy cried out when his father hit him across the side of the head. He sank to his knees in the snow, gasping , sucking in air so he wouldn't cry.

"There's the devil coming out in you boy! They say you're bright, brighter than the other boys your age. I bet you think that's something to be proud of. I bet you think you're quite the big shot. Some big shot, when you won't even take a drink. Aw, did I hurt you? Did I make you cry? Here, this will make you feel better, Eddie. Take a swig. _I said take a swig!"_

" No you didn't hurt me. You didn't make me cry. I don't know anything about what happened to you. Mother said you went away to war and came back a stranger. War didn't make you what you are. You _always _were a bully. When I was smaller, the other kids would make fun of me just because I was different, they hit me, stole what belonged to me. I learned to defend myself, to use their weight against them. Hannah introduced me to a friend of hers, Eli. He spent his time teaching self defense to Jews and colored people who were victimized by people like you. Eli taught me about the anatomy of the body, vulnerable areas, how to balance, how to strike efficiently and where and they never came near me again. "

"You're not my son you braggart. You little rotten spoiled brat learning the devil's work behind my back with a rotten kike. Hitler should have burned the lot of them. I told you to take a swig boy, you'll need it soon! _Drink up!"_

The boy suddenly made a swift move his father didn't see, and knocked the offered fifth of scotch out of his hand. It smashed open on the ground. He screamed and doubled up when his father hit him in the ribs with a fist.

"_Think you can fight me, boy? Think you can hit me you little shit?"_

"STOP IT! You'll KILL him, you bastard!" Alec yelled. Neither of them heard him. The damn buzzing sound was getting louder.

His father actually backed away when by sheer force of will, the boy got up from the rolled up position he'd been in, and although he had to have been in pain beyond what Alec could imagine any child could endure, he faced his father, shaking.

"_I won't fight you. _You'd like it too much. _I'll never drink a drop of that terrible stuff._ I'll never be like you. I'll grow up and I'll take mother somewhere far away. Maybe to that England you seem to hate so much. I'll make a name for myself like Hannah says I will and end hatred and prejudice and war. I'll never look back. "

His father laughed but with some nervousness.

"Listen to the boy. Grow up? He is so stupid he doesn't know I'm planning to kill him! " he grabbed the boy and although he struggled, there was nothing he could do. His father dragged him to the top of a hill.

He pushed him down on the ground, his heavy hands around the boy's neck. The boy's face was bloodless, his eyes glazing over.

"_NO! For God's sake somebody help him_!" Alec yelled.

No one responded.

"_**ED! FIGHT HIM! FIGHT HIM! Don't give up! You're stronger than he is! **_**" **Alec screamed.

"You're never going to grow up! I'm going to squeeze that stuck up attitude right out of you boy, squeeze you until your eyes pop out and then I'll throw your husk of a body right over this cliff. What are you and your damn I.Q. and fancy book learning going to do about that, boy? Your mother once looked up to me. She'd do anything I said. Then I came home, and she didn't want me anymore. She had you growing inside her belly like some blackened tumor, and she went and gave you birth. From that day on I didn't exist. I had more medals on my chest than anybody else that went overseas. The papers called me a hero. She didn't care. It was always about you. Her little boy. _Her beautiful boy_. We'll see if she still calls you beautiful when she finds your rotting body. That will teach her and Malone a lesson about cheating on me. What, boy? What did you say? Scared now?"

The boy coughed and choked when the man let his grip go and he stared at his father. The words that were muttered with the last of his energy were not the words of a boy, Alec realized.

They were the words of the Commander he would now never become.

"_I'm not-not afraid any-more. You-you-can-can-kill my bo-body- but you can't-can't touch my soul."_

Alec broke into sobs as he could see the man stare at his strange child. Saw the fear eating away at him from the inside out. Alec realized he had only seconds. He had to find someone who could help. Anyone.

Then he saw him. A young man in his late twenties or early thirties was slowly making his way down the hill in the opposite direction, taking photographs of the surrounding area.

"_HERE! HERE! OVER HERE! You've GOT to HEAR ME! TURN! TURN, for Christ's sake! **HELP HIM!" **_Alec yelled at him with all his heart and soul.

The man stopped. Looked around, puzzled. Walked toward Alec. Past him. Started snapping photos. Straker's father spun around, horrified.

"**YOU! STOP IT! STOP IT NOW**! Get away from that kid, do you understand me? Do you see this? It's a gun. I got robbed once and I never go anywhere without it. Get away from that kid or so help me God, I'll put a bullet through your head. DON'T MOVE! I saw everything, got it on film, I know who you are, believe me you're through."

"It's not what it looks like." Straker's father stammered. " He fell. I was only trying to help him."

"_You fucking liar-"_

The photographer hit him hard across the back of the head with the gun butt and didn't bother to watch him fall.

"Hey. Hey. It's going to be all right, okay? You must have a guardian angel little lad, I could have sworn I heard someone yelling at me to come help you. Hey, there. Everything's going to be all right. I'm Malcolm McAllister, a freelance photographer, what few friends I have call me Mel. What's your name? Come on now lad. Open your eyes for me. Come on now."

Alec looked on in rising panic when Ed didn't respond.

"_I want my mother_." a tiny, barely audible voice finally whimpered.

"Of course you do, lad. Don't be afraid."

"_I'm not afraid. I'm fine." _the boy whispered.

" Lord have mercy, you may be a little lamb but you have the courage of a lion. I'll get you to a hospital my van isn't far off. Easy now son, sorry this will hurt, I'm afraid, here we go."

As Alec looked on, Ed Straker, aged nine, finally fainted, limp in the man's arms as he was gently lifted away by the photographer.

Alec wasn't sure whether to laugh or to cry.

"Some things never change, Ed." Alec said aloud.

The humming stopped. The mists of the Between gently touched Alec with his new dreams.

Chapter Sixteen: **A Mouse or a Man?**

" As I told you repeatedly on the phone, Commander Straker isn't able to see you right now. Dr. Swanson is treating him." Algernon Fisher said calmly. "Colonel Freeman is with them. The Commander values his privacy. Disturbing his care may endanger his life."

"Two days have passed and we haven't heard a thing from him or Colonel Freeman or Dr. Swanson, and all we get is excuses from you. Stand aside or I'll make you stand aside." Peter Carlin said nastily, standing between two Shado security guards.

"This is a private estate under the protection of her Majesty the Queen. You have no right to enter it without Sir Peregrine's consent and Sir Peregrine is away on business of The House of Lords. Before I became his butler, I was Detective Chief Inspector Fisher in the Metropolitan Police Unit and I am well acquainted with such matters. If you wish to search these premises, you must have a legal document showing why you must do so."

"How about my fist? Is that legal enough for you?" Carlin snarled.

"_That's enough, Captain_." the familiar voice of Commander Ed Straker said.

"Sir! Thank God. You disappeared again. We were worried about you."

"I asked Sir Peregrine if I could spend time relaxing here at his manor. Considering my illness, I needed some R and R. Colonel Freeman is with me, and Dr. Swanson is treating me with what she thinks may be an antidote for the alien virus. I trust Shado can function without me for a while now that our funding has been restored by Madame Duval due to your and Colonel Freeman's help?" Straker smiled thinly. "I'll be discussing that in detail with you later."

Carlin looked uncomfortable. He managed a nod.

"Something wrong here, Ed?" Reginald Devon asked as he came up to them, his right hand wrapped in gauze. "I don't recognize this man of yours or the brick walls on either side of him. Shall I teach them all a lesson in British civility?"

Straker chuckled softly.

"No need, Reginald. The Captain is merely following standard procedure. Thank you Carlin, that will be all. I'll contact Shado as soon as we find out if Dr. Swanson has been successful. It seems Sir Peregrine has a fully equipped lab and medical facilities she's again making excellent use of for me. Hold down the fort for me, will you?"

" Of course, Sir, but there's something else you need to know. Lieutenant Ford contacted you about Mary Rutland, and his understanding was that you were going to see her so that's the first place we looked for you but I'm afraid she was found shot to death. The investigation to find out who murdered her and why is ongoing. Her ex-husband was ruled out as a possible suspect as he was out of the country when it was estimated to have happened."

"There's no need for any further investigation into the matter. Colonel Freeman fatally shot her in my and his self defense when she attempted to kill me. "

"_Sir?"_

"I'm afraid the Commander's ex-wife had a nervous breakdown, lured him to her home under false pretenses, drugged his coffee and attempted to kill him with a gun she took from Rutland after setting the scene to resemble a burglary . Colonel Freeman returned fire, saving his life. " Reginald said. "I'm a eyewitness, fortunately Sir Perry had asked me to accompany Colonel Freeman and I was injured by a stray bullet from Colonel Freeman's gun which forced me into early retirement. My former employers in MI-6 will vouch for my word no doubt. There's no need to investigate any further, Carlin. It was an accident on Freeman's part, which I fully understand and he's more than a little upset by what occurred, as you can imagine." Reginald added. " After all, he was already badly shaken up by Commander Straker's grave condition. You'll have his full report soon. I know my way around such matters just as well as Algernon does. If you need any assistance Ed, I'm available."

" Thank you, Reginald. I'm allowing Colonel Freeman as much time as he may need for his recovery, which was Dr. Swanson's recommendation to me for his psychological well-being. As for my ex-wife, I drew the conclusion that Rutland divorced Mary due to her growing instability." Straker said solemnly. "What was his reaction to her death?"

"He pretty much said the same thing, Commander, said she had started taking a lot of pills to help her cope. He seemed to believe she was obsessed with the death of her father, the illness of her mother, and more than anything else, the loss of her son and you." Carlin said uneasily.

Straker remained his detached self.

"I trust New Scotland Yard and the police will continue to cooperate with Shado and end this investigation as quickly as possible. Anything further might jeopardize our security. Let's hope she found in death what she sought in life, some peace of mind. Is there anything else, Captain? I admit to being more than a little tired after my medical treatments."

"No Sir. Please look after yourself."

"Thank you, Captain. I will be back at Shado as soon as I am deemed well enough by Dr. Swanson to return. That will be all for now."

There was a chorus of yes sirs from Carlin and the security people.

"Thank you gentlemen. Oh, one thing if I may, Captain Carlin." Algernon said mildly.

"What is it?" Carlin had lingered at the door, smiling at Straker as he started to walk away, relieved that he was in one piece.

"_Had you really intended to injure me or any other occupant here, I would have been forced to break you and your most unpleasant colleagues in half. _Have a pleasant day, Sir."

Algernon slammed the door shut in a most uncivilized manner, nearly parting Peter Carlin from his nose.

"It's a good thing that I hate violence and prefer to be a peaceful man." he said. Reginald laughed at him and he winked.

" Peaceful man? _You, _Algernon? You could have fooled me." Straker said. Then his shape blurred, solidified into that of a gasping Sir Peregrine Falcon. "Great Goddess, I thought I would die doing that bit, it isn't as easy taking another man's shape, especially not Edward's! I much prefer being a mouse. Algernon, be the saint that you are and fetch us all a whisky. Make that a double. "

Algernon grinned and moved away.

"That will keep the Shado dogs at bay for now. How are our guests faring?" Reginald asked.

"Claire was the first to recover praise the Goddess , sooner than I thought and is monitoring Edward's and Alec's progress, Regs. The last I checked in on her, she said their vital signs are well on the way to becoming stable. She's continuing to keep them on IV fluids and maintain their other body functions. Thank Goddess Algernon suggested I impersonate Edward for the time being to prevent Shado from harming them by doing a post mortem. Took a bit of doing, I can tell you!"

"I shot Alec in the heart. Damn miracle he's breathing again. I've seen a lot of strange things since I met you, Pers, but dead people coming back to life has to rank up there on the top ten."

Perry chuckled and lay a hand on Reginald's shoulder affectionately.

"Regs, you haven't talked much about being in hospital, your hand and resigning from MI6. What will you do now?"

"See that Carlin doesn't mess up the whole Mary Rutland murder case business up, and then, I don't know. I'm glad Algernon knew enough to fetch me to have me go over Rutland's house with him to tamper with the evidence so that the story I gave about the murder to our friend Carlin will stick. Made me feel useful after I was sacked."

"Edward's going to need a lot of assistance when he takes over Silk Wood Manor. He'll need someone to run security checks on the help and watch his back. Those alien devils his organization protects us from would stop at nothing to get at him now. He could use a man like you, Regs."

"Nonsense, Pers. I shot his friend for you. I don't want to put him in the predicament of hiring a man that killed his friend Alec Freeman. As much as I admire Straker, I don't think I'd fit in Shado." he chuckled. "Alec is the man that belongs at his side keeping him safe, not me."

"Well, I always need good people to help me with my work of helping lost souls I stumble upon, and would welcome you here with the greatest of pleasure."

"I may take you up on that offer. " Reginald smiled. "I may need to keep an eye on your back, even if you are a bloody monarchist."

"He's not as keen on Buckingham Palace's tenants as he claims he is," Algernon said, wheeling up a cart and handing them their drinks in crystal glasses. He poured himself one and suggested Perry make a toast.

"Here's to the Queen's good health, gentlemen." Perry said.

" Right. May she reign, wane and rot." Reginald said and drank his in one gulp.

"Good heavens, Regs my boy. You're likely to lose your head at the edge of the royal executioner's axe as well another hand and both legs if you keep that up."

" I'm not some delinquent knight plotting against the throne. This isn't the age of Camelot Pers." Reginald grinned.

"Thankfully not, even Arthur himself never served this smooth a whisky at the Round Table." Perry winked.

Algernon chuckled and refilled their drinks. "Perhaps we should drink to someone else's health instead. Here's to the gallant Commander Ed Straker a knight of our modern realm, his noble squire Alec Freeman and our lovely healer, the beautiful Lady Claire."

Chapter Seventeen: **The Kind Of Man He Is**

"Is he okay Claire?" Alec Freeman in his brown Nehru suit, asked from his wheelchair. "You're _sure_?" He looked down at the still sleeping Ed Straker who was clad in simple blue pajamas , then up at the medical telemetry screen a paler than usual Straker was hooked up to, trying to decipher the data displayed on it.

Claire was in jeans and a black top, wearing a white medical coat over them. She looked like she hadn't slept for a while. Alec knew she hadn't left his sick friend's side.

"Alec, I wouldn't lie to you about that. I'm sure. I'm guessing it's just taking Edward longer to come fully awake because he had the virus in his bloodstream longer than you did and it's taking longer to mutate completely. All his vitals are strong, but he's as exhausted as you were when you came to and he's in a very deep REM restorative sleep. He can't fake sleep this time, I have him on a brainwave monitor." she smiled and pointed at another readout on the screen. Alec chuckled.

"Thank God. I still don't believe it all. We were dead. Now we might even live forever like in some damn legend."

" Alec, what else can you remember after trying to shoot Perry?"

"You wouldn't believe all of it." Alec chuckled. He was still weak from his experiences as she had reminded him so had allowed Claire to put him in a wheelchair so where could watch over Ed. He hadn't left Ed's bedside since Claire had allowed him in to see the Commander.

" I would, Alec. I was there too, before Algernon brought me to. He's got a fair amount of medical training from his police days, which is how he looked after Reginald's hand. You heard a humming or a buzzing didn't you, the same thing I always hear when I entered the Between." Claire leaned forward in her chair.

"Yeah. I experienced some pretty far out things in there. They involved Ed at different ages in the past. His dad, I saw his dad. He had a monster of a Dad, no wonder Ed never drank since his wedding now. His alcoholic Dad nearly choked him to death when Ed was small. Somehow I got through to that photographer Malcolm, the one who saved him, the one I told you about. I wish I could shake his hand."

"Edward probably blanked everything out as a result of trauma at a tender age. He may have experienced something about your past in the Between too."

"That place, it had to be real. Everything was so vivid."

"Do you understand now why Perry tried to shoot you? He didn't want you to suffer. He had waited until you became infected from blood transfer by handling Edward's body. If you hadn't become infected, if Edward and I had really died, Shado would have done post mortems, destroying all chance of Edward returning to life. You would have gone on for him as a changed man, and you would have been lonely the rest of your life. Or Edward and I would have outlived you due to the virus, and losing you would have broken Edward's heart."

"That life without living you mentioned." Alec said.

"Alec, I never saw it before, or maybe I just didn't want to share Edward with anyone. Maybe some part of me wanted to push you away. I understand now how much Edward means to you and you mean to Edward. I called you some pretty foul things to try and get past your defenses. I'm sorry."

"No hard feelings, love. Ed's been a lonely man for a long time, and I didn't really know how to help him. I tried to be there for him as much as I could. At the back of my head I guess I hoped he would meet someone that deserved him, someone more like you who understood the need for his hard work so he could share his burden with her. Someone who fully understood his dedication."

"Edward could still choose to give me the amnesia drug."

"Don't you worry. He won't. I learned a lot from you. I'm not letting him get away with much this lifetime. How's Reginald doing? Poor chap. I rather liked him. Damn good shot, too." Alec grinned.

"Perry believes there are patterns in life, that things happen for a reason. Maybe Reginald's hand is really a blessing in disguise."

"Did Perry actually pretend to be Ed?" chuckled Alec. "I have a hard time accepting that he can somehow transform into an animal, but I'd have loved to see him pull that one off."

"He gets visions from the Goddess, or God, or whatever Higher Power a person might want to believe in. He knew what you and Carlin had done, blackmail Duval, and why. I'd like to get my hands on that Duval woman myself. I wouldn't trust her, Alec. I know she's started to fully fund Shado, but I still wouldn't trust her."

"Believe me, I'm keeping a close watch on her. I have a lot of friends that I know in the Royal Air Force squadron I belonged to. I've called in some markers. She won't be able to take a piss without me knowing about it!"

Claire laughed and hugged him.

"Alec, I'm beginning to understand something. Anyone who falls for the Commander and loves him gets you in the bargain too."

" Really? Does that include in bed? I don't think Ed would want to take your theory too far," Alec laughed, and she giggled. "I'm glad Reginald and Algernon handled the matter with Mary. Of course I will put everything in my formal report that will back up what they've said. I feel sorry for the woman for the first time since she dumped Ed. She never knew how extraordinary the man she married really was. Maybe now, Ed will be completely free of her, something he never was before. She gave him a pretty hard time even barring him from his own son's funeral."

" I know. You and I at least know what kind of man the Commander really is." Claire said thoughtfully.

_The kind of man that would never tell you that you diverted the transporter which he'd ordered to lift off early to bring a drug to England from New York so that he'd have a chance at saving his only son's life. I saw that too in the Between. That's the kind of man he is, Alec. He wanted to spare his best friend the pain of thinking you had anything to do with it. That's the man I love. That's the man you love, but you'd never use that term. Your love and friendship has sustained Edward all these years, Alec. Now it will go on indefinitely. He'll always have us at his side where we belong._

"Yeah. The kind of man that is going to try to get out of that bed long before he should." Alec grinned.

Claire scowled.

"You had to go and remind me!" she chuckled then she lowered her head to avoid his glance. "Alec, I haven't been completely honest about Edward's condition."

"Christ! Not again. What ?"

Clear blue eyes flicked open. Alec's jaw dropped.

"Nothing important, Alec just the fact that what she claimed was my brainwaves is actually my respiration count. I asked her to do that so I could get a straight answer from you about Duval for a change. I've been listening to you two chat for quite a while now. So you blackmailed Duval for funding, you and Peter, huh? It'll take me a week just to come up with a suitable punishment for you for that little stunt. So far I'm leaning toward grounding Carlin forever and permanently cutting you off from use of my office bar."

"_ED! God damn you!" _Alec laughed, and wheeled his wheelchair closer to the bed the Commander occupied. Claire brought her head up and giggled.

Ed chuckled. "You forget I'm God so that wouldn't be something I'd be inclined to do to myself."

"Ed, how do you feel?"

"Fine, fine, Alec."

Alec leaned over and slapped Ed's IV penetrated hand lightly.

"_Ow!" _Ed mock exclaimed.

"Try again, Commander." Alec folded his arms. Claire laughed.

" Striking an superior officer is a court martial offense, Alec. Next time I'm going to tell Reginald to use more bullets on you. Okay, okay, I'm a little weak, full of IV's and may be off my feet for longer than I'd like. I'll need some time to process everything that happened. Incidentally Alec, do you remember having a dog called Jacks when you were a kid?"

"Jacks! I haven't thought about him in years. How did you know?"

"It was in my experience in the Beyond. Do you remember meeting me?"

"Of course I do. At hospital in Thailand."

"No, Alec. _In Australia. _After your friends played a dirty trick on you, forcing you to-"

"What?"

"Nothing," Straker lied. "Not everything was clear to me. There's something I did want to ask you. The man you mentioned. The photographer. I've been wishing I knew what happened to him for many years now."

"Ed, about your father-"

"He was a sick man, Alec. It isn't important any more. It doesn't merit mentioning. I just wish I could find that photographer. I remember him coming to the hospital every day to see me, teaching me about photography but I hadn't remembered his name. He showed me how to take a simple photo using a shoe box. I remember being thrilled about it. I overheard Malone talking to him outside my room. Malone offered him a lot of money on my mother's behalf to forget what had happened and destroy the film. He promised that my father would never get out of the sanitarium my mother had finally decided to put him in. To his credit he told Malone what to do with his money and he turned the film he had taken over to the police, telling them exactly what had happened. I think my Dad was arrested but I can't be sure. I never knew what happened after that." Straker sighed.

"What a wonderful man that photographer was , Edward." Claire said admiringly.

The Commander nodded, lost in memories.

"Ed, he said his name was Malcolm McAllister. We can try and track him down on a G6. We can estimate the time and place of the trial, trace the sanatorium . If your father was brought before the court-"

"Alec, we have more important things to think about now." Ed reached out and squeezed Alec's hand for a moment then let it go. "I'm glad we made it, Alec."

"Not as glad as I am. Now we have to get you well. After that, you and I are going to do something together that I've wanted to do with you for years. You owe it to me, Ed, for scaring me half to death."

"Name it."

"A challenge."

"What kind of challenge do you mean_?"_

"We'll see who can drink the other under the table."

"Now wait a minute, Alec." Claire said with a grimace.

"Alec, you know I don't-"

"This is a long time tradition in Australia. A celebration between best friends. You respect rituals, don't you, Ed?'

"Of course I do, but Alec," Straker protested.

"I don't want to hear a word against it. It's time you let your hair down, enjoyed life like you used to. We almost died, you and I. This is a celebration of a second chance at life."

"Absolutely not!" Claire snapped.

"Claire, it does have a certain appeal for me. I haven't had anything to drink since my wedding but I'm sure I can manage myself on this one occasion. Plus I'd like to put this Australian in his place. It's a matter of Bostonian Yankee white Anglo Saxon pride." Straker grinned.

"You two are absolutely nuts! I give up!" Claire started to walk out in a huff and then she came back. "Edward Straker, if you as much touch one IV line or swing your legs over the side of the bed before I say you're strong enough to get up, I'll superglue you down on that thing, I swear to God I will."

"Do we have anything in the Shado rule book against super gluing Commanders to a sick bed?" Alec asked.

"I think I better write a new law forbidding it as soon as possible!" chuckled Straker.

"Alec, you wouldn't be putting Edward up to things like this if you had a nice woman to settle down with. We should get him married off to some nice girl, Edward."

" Why I think that's an excellent idea, Claire." Straker teased.

"_WHAT? _I'm not named Alec _**Free**__-man _for nothing you know."

Ed leaned back against the pillows with a chuckle, but he looked tired and Claire tucked the blankets closer around him.

"Nap time, Commander."

"I guess there isn't much point in resisting. Alec, soon as you're able, start in on that report."

"I can begin it right away Ed."

" Good. Claire, can you give me a moment alone with Alec ? I have something important I want to discuss with him." Ed sat up in his bed.

"You get two minutes. Then you sleep voluntarily, or I knock you out with a shot in the buttocks, using the largest gauge needle I can find. "

Straker winced and Alec laughed. Claire smoothed the blankets over Straker, kissed him on the cheek, then hugged Alec. She waved and went out.

"What did you have on your mind, Ed?"

"_Her. _What do you think of her, Alec?"

"I like her, Ed. She really loves you, you know."

"The three of us are tied together now by what's happened. I don't think much would be accomplished by giving her the amnesia drug now, and if I did, she'd outlive everyone around her. She'd never blend in, she'd be something of an outcast, the way I was when I was a boy. Besides Alec, I don't know what happened to her in that dimension she calls the Between , but she seems different somehow. More grounded or something. I can't quite put my finger on it."

"I noticed it too. I asked her about it, but she didn't say much. Ed, if you had any sense in your head, and mind you I know you don't, you'd put a diamond ring on her finger." Alec smiled. "She's a lovely girl, and she's proved that she's devoted to you. Besides, you saw how she tried to reason with Mary, took her side so she'd reveal what the drug she'd used in your coffee was. She's got the potential for becoming part of Shado's psychology department all right. She'd give it her special touch. Humanize it. She has a place with us."

" I agree Alec, but your idea that I propose marriage is out of the question. I have a job to do. I'm overwhelmed right now by everything that's happened. Besides, I have a lot of time now to think things over. For instance what am I going to do to you and Carlin. Have Carlin come by and see me tomorrow morning, will you, Alec?"

Alec grinned. " Not a problem. Just don't let that girl get away, Ed. She's a keeper. She'd do anything for you."

Straker looked at the Australian in disbelief.

"Alec she _wouldn't, _she hardly ever obeys my commands, she's impossible to deal with and maybe that's one reason I believe I've fall-" Straker hesitated, looked off in the distance, falling into silence.

Alec grinned at him affectionately.

" Fallen in love with her? Is the frosty implacable Commander Straker actually going to confess to his friend that he has human feelings? Were you about to finally admit to me what I've already known for ages, that you've always had a gentle, sentimental side to you, Ed?"

Straker turned around sternly, eyes full of veiled amusement.

" Nonsense Alec, you know me better than that. Get out of here, Colonel Freeman," Straker ordered wearily. "I need my beauty sleep. That's right Alec, I actually _do_ sleep contrary to what you might believe."

"Take a nap, Edward dear." Alec intoned then rapidly rolled himself out of the room to escape a fate he knew was coming.

Straker threw a pillow at him with what energy he had left, but missed. He smiled briefly, lifted a hand to the cheek Claire had softly kissed, let his hand fall. He then appeared troubled. Alec would have recognized the look of fierce concentration that followed as one which appeared when Ed was solving a tough puzzle presented to him. Straker's fingers tapped against his blanket for several seconds then he suddenly beamed, sat up and reached for the bedside phone. He dialed a number Alec knew well. A short but animated conversation took place, and then Straker hung up. He lie down again, closed his eyes, smiled and was almost instantly asleep.

Chapter Eighteen: **God Has Spoken**

"Edward, I don't like the idea of this stupid contest one bit!"

"I did get that feeling from you, Claire." he replied, amused. Straker was admiring the way she looked in a pink sweater and jeans.

Straker, himself dressed in blue pinstripe pajamas and a white silk robe, sat in a cane wheelchair having breakfast in Sir Perry's garden. Algernon had brought a tray for the two of them then vanished. He smiled at her then attacked a piece of buttered toast.

"I know he's been your friend for years, but to give up the control you've managed to have for decades just to make him feel good is ridiculous. Doesn't it bother you a little bit? Your father is still one of those ghosts who never die you mentioned. You have to be at least a little uneasy about it."

"That's a reasonable conclusion to reach." He looked down at monogrammed brown leather slippers which were an expensive get well gift from Sir Perry, hiding his somber expression.

"In the language I call Strakerese, what that actually means is you're scared as hell, Edward." Claire put her coffee down on a nearby table. He looked up, scowled at her for a moment, shrugged, gave her a nod.

"I'm a little worried, yes I admit it. Just try putting yourself at ease by considering the fact that Reginald and Algernon are going to be with me, and provide security and privacy. I talked Alec into having this contest at a pub owned by a friend of his who is an ex-RAF officer. He understands the need for this to be private, so he's promised to just open the pub for us for a couple hours. It won't take that long, I expect. My money's on Alec to win. Not that I'll collect straightaway, I fully expect that I'll be unconscious under the table when he wins." Straker admitted.

"We don't know how this will affect the two of you! Have you already forgotten you're alive because of some alien virus I and Shado's best medical experts can't begin to understand? It seems dormant enough now after mutation, but anything can happen. You're playing with your life just to satisfy Alec's strange need to, well, need to be Australian. Men drinking themselves into unconsciousness is part of male bonding? They say we women are the weaker sex? Baloney." Claire sighed.

"You're never satisfied, are you Claire? I thought you'd made up with Alec."

"If anything bad happens to you, I'm _killing_ him."

"He won't be dead long while the virus is in him, so why bother?" Straker chuckled.

"Arggggh! Men and their stupid male pride. If there was a way I could surgically remove it-"

"Whatever happened to that oath you doctors take? First do no harm."

"That oath doesn't count with you two nut cases. At least can I get the both of you to have a nutritious dinner beforehand? " Claire said.

"You buying?" Straker asked after setting down his toast and taking a sip of his customary double sweet and light coffee.

"If you both at least put some decent food in your stomach before you poison yourselves, it's a deal."

"I'm expecting a visit from Peter Carlin this morning. Go and ask Algernon if he's arrived yet." Straker dabbed at his lips with a linen napkin.

"I suppose that's an order?" Claire smiled at him.

"It is." he said sternly, then he too smiled. She stood up to go but felt him grip her hand firmly and she turned around.

"Are you all right?" she asked nervously. He was looking up at her curiously, eyes shining.

"Why is it you never call me Ed the way Alec does?"

"Because I think Edward suits you better. Why? Don't you like it?"

"I _didn't _say _that, _did I?"

"You hardly say anything to me." she grinned.

"With you and your ESP around, I hardly have to. I'm becoming used to having you on my back."

"Good. I'm staying there."

Straker chuckled.

"Hey." he said softly.

"What?"

"Nothing. Carlin should be arriving soon. Send him out here, will you?"

Claire looked at him seriously for a long time and he studied her, puzzled.

"I love you, Edward." she said tenderly. Touched by her sentiment, he gave a wave of dismissal.

"Oh get out of here, Swanson, and you're way out of line! I gave you an order!"

Playfully she saluted him and scampered off. His expression grew somber.

"I love you too Claire. So much that it scares me." he said softly. He sat back in moody silence, enjoying the garden in spite of his troubled thoughts. The wind tossed his platinum hair and he didn't mind it until he saw Peter Carlin approaching him. He sat up straighter, smoothed his hair and robe down, tightened his sash and put on his best menacing Commander expression.

"Captain."

"Sir. If you'd permit me to-"

" No, I do _not_. I take it you know why I've summoned you here?"

"I do, Sir."

'Do you realize what you have done is a serious breach of trust?" Straker fired off at Peter Carlin. "And that I have no choice but to follow Shado protocol when dealing with this matter?"

"Commander, permission to speak freely?" Carlin said, standing at brace in front of the commander.

His first shock had been how Straker looked. It was almost as if the years hadn't passed by. It was incredible. Alec had warned him over the phone about the effects of the now dormant alien virus on the Commander, but it still bewildered him. Straker looked as if he still was in his late forties.

"I'm listening, Captain."

"Look, I'll take the responsibility for what happened. Frankly, Commander, she had it coming to her with the things she said to you. There was no other way. Colonel Freeman and I weren't about to let her get away with that. Punish me if you have to, but don't deal too harshly with Colonel Freeman. He's been your close friend for years."

"How I deal with Colonel Freeman's continued reckless behavior is my decision. Not yours. Do I make myself clear, Carlin?" Straker bent and retrieved then opened his attaché case, which had been on the ground beside the wheelchair.

"Yes Sir."

"Were I to go to the Commission on this, they would probably bring you up on charges. Blackmail is a serious crime. However, since Shado's funding is the priority here, I have decided to keep silent about the whole thing. Which, as you probably already have ascertained, forces me into the position of being your and Colonel Freeman's accomplice in the matter."

Carlin looked truly shocked.

"Sir, I-"

"I didn't give you leave to address me!"

"Sorry Sir."

"You should be, Carlin, you should be. I put you in our French H.Q. thinking you might have command potential. You've disappointed me, Captain. First by disobeying the orders concerning a Commander leaving his position to go on an unauthorized seek and destroy sortie, and now with this. Do you have anything to say for yourself, Captain?"

"No Sir."

Straker looked sternly at a typewritten report he'd taken from the attaché case. Carlin noticed it didn't have a Shado logo on it. Then the Commander turned the coldest of his repertoire of bone-chilling stares on the devastated Shado pilot. "I've made my decision, Carlin. _You're fired."_

Carlin looked at Straker in astonishment, his heartbeat rapid. He knew all too well how Shado 'fired' operatives.

"_Ed please-" _he said without thinking. Straker didn't seem to notice the breach of rank constituted by use of his first name at all. That wasn't like him.

" No, Carlin. We've invested too much time and money in your training for me to make it that simple for you. As of today you are fired from your position as Commander of our French base. I'm reassigning you elsewhere."

Oh Christ, Carlin thought, but he stared straight ahead, wishing he'd appreciated his sardine can a lot more. Elsewhere to a pissed Commander could mean a job training penguins for Shado in the Antarctic . The point of Straker's gun and a quick death seemed a better fate to him.

"I'm bringing you back home to SkyDiver. You'll be flying as usual for a few months, and then I want you to accompany Alec to South Korea to supervise the repair work on Sejong One. I've decided you aren't command material after all. That's all, Carlin. See that you don't make a habit of handling any other tough situations in this manner."

"Sir-Sir?" Carlin stammered. _Had he heard right? He could still fly? He wasn't grounded?_

Straker thrust the report at him like it was a rapier.

"You may want to burn this before the Commission gets hold of it. Oh, and I'll be promoting that senior pilot who went to the medical center feigning illness for you so you could fly out to save me. I looked at her job performance file and was impressed with your recommendation of her. She will be your replacement until I decide otherwise. That's all, Captain."

"Sir, if I may ask a question?"

"_One."_

"Colonel Freeman-"

"His punishment is my problem." the Commander growled.

"Sir-"

"Did you forget how to count, Carlin?" Straker snapped at Carlin as he took the report.

"It wasn't a question, Sir. I just wanted to say thanks, and that we're all glad that you'll be all right."

Straker granted him a faint, brief smile.

"Get out of here, Captain." Straker said firmly, making a steeple of his slender fingers.

Carlin didn't hesitate. Only until he got into the sanctuary of his Shado car and burned the report to ash did he allow himself a triumphant whooping sound.

_Maybe Straker had remembered what it was like to fly. Maybe Straker was still affected by the virus. Maybe Straker hadn't noticed me calling him Ed. Maybe Straker was distracted by that lovely lady doctor of his. Maybe Straker wasn't God after all._

_Nah. Nothing slipped past that brilliant mind. Straker was God. God has spoken._

_Besides, you never argue with God_.

Chapter Nineteen: ** Unidentified Food Obsessions**

"Oh damn it, I'm sorry!" Claire had knocked over Alec's cup of coffee in the attempt to refill her own cup from a silver coffee pitcher. She jumped up to help him wipe it up. Alec was in a blue Nehru and gold turtleneck. He backed his chair away from the table swiftly.

"Now what are you going to claim I'm doing to Ed?" Alec laughed, turned around and raised a finger to alert the waitress. Straker, dressed in his usual black Nehru suit was watching Alec with amusement. Claire had been sitting close to Straker 's wheelchair during the dinner, looking increasingly nervous.

"She's just worried about me, Alec, she's been nagging me and fretting all day. How drenched did she get you ?"

"I don't need a diver's suit yet but I feel the need to remind you this is the second time she's dumped a liquid on me."

Straker grinned.

A pretty waitress came quickly over.

"I'll get that, Alec." She smiled at Alec and gave a respectful nod to Straker, mopped up the spill then returned with a full pitcher of coffee and refilled Alec's cup.

"I've been eating here for years and I never get that kind of special attention." Straker complained after she walked away. "It wasn't _my _choice to eat here at Shado's restaurant, but it does feel good to be home. I'd feel a lot better if I was out of this damn wheelchair, but Claire keeps threatening to break my legs if I make a run for it."

"Oh quit your whining, Edward. You're still weak and the wheelchair stays. Besides I like the meals here." Claire smoothed down a long black skirt, and played with a gold chain she'd chosen to accent her green turtleneck. Her hair was pulled back in a severe French knot. Straker to his annoyance found he wanted to loosen it the way he had on the night they'd made love. He pushed the memory aside.

"Meals? I don't call Shado's soggy potatoes and rubbery steaks a meal." Alec exaggerated, taking a small bite of potato. He hadn't had much of an appetite, Claire noticed, and it seemed to bother her.

"We have enough funding now to hire a better cook, just for you. Alec." Straker replied. Both men knew that the Shado restaurant's food was top notch. Straker always had seen to it that his people were well fed.

"Just don't fire the gorgeous waitress. I have to use the bathroom after all that coffee, be back with you two in a jiffy."

Claire uncomfortably watched Alec go and she turned toward Straker.

"Edward, it would be easy enough to refuse him. On the basis of health concer-"

"Quit fussing. If this is what my second in command wants, this is what he gets. I'm sure he showers on a regular basis, Claire. You don't need to give him a bath every time you see him. He told me you spilled his whiskey on him."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

"You're the psychiatrist, you tell me. Look, Claire, I've never known Alec to not gobble his food down. So he's nervous too. He understands my misgivings about this. I'm sure he shares your concerns for my health as well."

Claire sighed.

"Edward, I-"

Alec came back to the table and she looked up at him.

"That was speedy." Claire said, ill at ease.

" I wanted to make sure you didn't fill up my cup and rain coffee on me again, Claire. You had to go and let her to pick the restaurant, Ed. The girl's got rotten taste. She fell for _you_ when she could have fallen for a handsome Australian like me."

"Oh shut up so I can order dessert for Edward, Alec." Claire told him.

"Dessert? Didn't you tell me your mother never allowed you to have sugary desserts, Ed?" Alec wanted to know. "I'll have peach pie, Claire."

"Pie sounds good," Claire replied thoughtfully, "but I'm in the mood for some peanut butter cups. "

Straker was looking ruefully at Alec.

"That was back when I was five, Colonel Freeman. Now I'm fifty-five. Wait, no I'm not, the virus, uh...I'm not sure of anything regarding my age now." Straker chuckled. "So bring on the vanilla ice cream."

"Vanilla? You want vanilla?" Claire said, bewildered.

"You obviously have a problem with that? Let's hear your objection, Doctor. " Straker frowned at Claire.

Alec chuckled.

"It can't be that she's worried about your weight. One good push and you'd break like a twig. Matter of fact, I'm going to call you Commander Twigs from now on."

"Just try it, Alec! Just try it. I'm in command, remember? Don't think because I'm temporarily disabled and stuck in this wheelchair for a while that I'd let you get away with it."

"Oh Edward for heaven's sake, all I meant is there must be six million flavors of ice cream and you picked vanilla?" complained Claire.

" Why are you surprised? He _looks_ like vanilla ice cream with that hair and skin of his." Alec exclaimed on purpose. Nearby operatives present ducked their heads down into their food, used to Alec's antics and sense of humor but not daring to be caught laughing at their Commander.

Claire chuckled.

Straker stared at Alec.

"Just keep embarrassing me like that, Colonel Freeman. Keep it up and I'll find you a new job."

"Are you going to give me a raise too? " Alec asked, beaming. Claire laughed, and signaled the waitress to clear the table and take their dessert orders.

Straker continued his molten lead stare at his friend as they were served.

" Alec, I was thinking more along the lines of having you become Danielle Hawthorne's new agent." threatened Straker.

Claire laughed.

Alec cringed.

"Finally I found something that shut you up, Colonel Freeman. And tonight I'm going to beat you fair and square at your own challenge."

"Speaking about that , Ed-"

Straker was staring moodily at the mountain of vanilla ice cream in a silver dish the waitress had set in front of him.

"What about it, Alec?" Straker cautiously tried the ice cream, gave a slight nod, and ate what remained on his spoon then made another dive into the gooey treat.

"Look Ed, I was being a little short-sighted about the whole thing. Maybe you were right all along. Maybe it does take self control to stay away from booze. I'm not going to force you to do this if it brings up bad memories for you."

"Alec, I thought this was settled between us. We celebrate our resurrection by doing this just once, and we never look back no matter what happens. We see this through." Straker said with more than a little nervousness.

"Ed-" Alec guiltily started to say, catching his friend's mood.

"Look, Edward has decided to agree to do this with you, Alec. "

"I know, but if he-"

"That peach pie looks good, Colonel but my ice cream beats it. Claire, how can you eat that stuff? What is that again?" Straker interjected, making it plain he wouldn't tolerate any further objections.

"Don't tell me you've never had a Reese chocolate peanut butter cup?" She unwrapped one and plopped it beside Straker's dish.

"I hope her hands are clean." Alec commented.

Straker grinned at him.

"When's the last time you had an enema Alec?" Claire wanted to know.

Straker gave her a look of appreciative amusement.

Alec gulped.

"Charming girl, isn't she?"

"_Very_." Straker chuckled. He picked up the treat, studied it, took a tiny bite. "Too sweet but not half bad, but I wouldn't make a habit of digesting it."

When they'd finished, Claire was pleased Straker had emptied his plate and bowl down to the last spoonful and she went to pay the bill.

"Okay, time to hit the road. " Claire told them after returning and leaving a generous tip.

"_Wait_!" Straker exclaimed as Alec began to pull his wheelchair away from the table.

"What is it Ed?"

Straker reached for the unfinished peanut butter cup and put it into his mouth and devoured it.

"My mother did indeed not allow me any sweet treats, Alec, but she also taught me to never waste any food." he explained innocently. Claire rolled her eyes and Alec squinted at him dubiously.

"You know what I really hate about him, Claire?" Alec said, rolling his wheelchair toward the exit door. Straker was smiling now.

"What?"

"He eats enough for a battalion but never gains a pound while I sweat like a pig at the Shado health farm after just one dessert." Alec moaned.

"Are we talking about the same Straker here? Edward usually eats like he's a vegetarian bird."

Straker sighed dramatically.

"I keep saying you two are worse than the aliens. God, no, to borrow a phrase from our mouse mimic Sir Perry, _Goddess_ help me."

They both laughed at him.

Chapter Twenty: ** Commander's Challenge**

" Hello, Martin, thanks for arranging this for us. Reginald, Algernon, good to see you again. Is everything ready, gentlemen?" Straker asked after shaking hands with the pub owner, Martin Essex, a long time friend of Alec's that Straker was well acquainted with. Straker had changed from his Nehru and jumpsuit into a simple black turtleneck and new jeans. He wore his customary white ankle boots with black elastic inset. Claire was pushing his wheelchair as Alec held open the door, and then Reginald locked it, hung up the closed sign. Claire smiled at Reginald and Algernon.

"Any friend of Alec's is a friend of mine, Mr. Straker, and everything is set up like Alec told me you requested it be. Hope you recover from that accident he mentioned you were in. I expect you're impatient to get out of that damn thing." the owner was saying.

"I wouldn't be in it right now, if I didn't have such a paranoid doctor. This is my physician and associate, Dr. Claire Swanson."

"If he'd take care of himself better, I wouldn't have to be so paranoid. Nice to meet a friend of Alec's." Claire said with a smile. They shook hands. Straker noticed the pub owner's eyes swept over the doctor's body in appreciation. Straker tapped his fingers on the chair's arms in possessive annoyance. Algernon caught it and grinned at him, but didn't choose to comment.

"We're all set, Mr. Straker and Reginald's made sure this place is secure." Algernon told Straker. " Regs and I have a bet going between us. Incidentally Sir, my money is on you to win."

Straker smiled at him.

"I'm flattered Algernon, but I'm afraid Alec has been practicing this little game for a longer time than I have." Straker explained. "I don't have much of a chance of beating him."

Alec grinned at Straker and patted the owner on the back in greeting and nodded his hello at the other men present.

They nodded back. Reginald looked amused.

"How are you feeling, Freeman?" Reginald asked meaningfully.

"Like Lazarus risen from the grave himself. You familiar with that Biblical story, Reginald, or do bibles melt when you touch them?" Alec grinned.

"I wouldn't have taken you for a religious man with all the hard liquor you put away in that fat belly of yours, Alec. Wonders never cease."

"Now see here, Reginald," Alec started to growl.

"Can we get this over with without bloodshed, gentlemen?" Straker asked. "Remember, this just is a friendly little contest between Alec and I."

"Those damn men always have to toss their testosterone around as usual." complained Claire as she rolled Straker over to a table where Alec was already waiting for him. Claire grabbed a chair and set it aside his wheelchair so that she could keep a professional eye on him but she walked over to Alec. Straker watched her, amused.

" Those damn women always have to nag them about it, too." Straker said to her. She paused and made a face at him.

"Exactly whom is challenging whom here, anyway?' Algernon chuckled.

Straker grinned at him.

"That's an excellent question, Algernon. All right, let's do this properly. One bottle each to Alec and I. Alec's chosen a fine single malt whisky, and I've agreed on it being the poison of choice. So let's begin."

Claire bent over Alec and whispered to him. "_If this makes Edward any sicker than he already is, I'm personally doing a post mortem on you while you're still alive."_

Alec looked at her guiltily as the pub owner set a tray with two opened bottles of whisky and two glasses on the table, one for Straker and one for Alec.

"Swanson. Stop threatening Alec. You can forget about trying to look innocent, too, I know you very well." Straker said meaningfully. "Come and sit by me and cheer me on."

"Now who has the ESP, Edward?" she grinned and complied. Straker was already pouring whisky into his glass. Alec did the same with his.

"I'll drink to that. Cheers." Straker said as he lifted his glass, and to Alec's and Claire's astonishment, drank it all in one gulp and then poured and repeated the action.

Claire grimaced and squeezed her eyes shut. Straker, who didn't seem to be affected by his act of bravado, grinned at her. Alec drank two glasses down in turn, amused.

"You're taking this challenge pretty seriously, Ed." Alec accused.

" Alec, you know I take everything I do very seriously. I'm doing this to win." Straker was already filling his glass with the amber liquid.

"I thought you said you didn't have much of a chance, Mr. Straker." Algernon chuckled.

"I only said that to confuse the opposition and lull him into a false sense of security." Straker said, then emptied his glass again then stared at it like he didn't quite know what it was. "It's my winning strategy ."

Claire looked at Straker worriedly, biting her lip.

"Don't fret little Miss." the owner said. "Won't be long now before your man's down for the count. I've known Alec for five, maybe six years now. There isn't a man in all of London who can outdrink him."

"Oh shut up! And don't call me little." Claire snapped at him.

"Sorry, didn't mean to offend."

"That's the spirit, Claire. Pardon the pun." Straker told her.

"All of London, Marty? Make that all of England. And forget it, Ed. Those tricks of yours aren't going to get you anywhere. I'm beating you and you'll stay beaten." Alec replied, and emptied his as well. "Hope you can fit that skinny butt of yours under the table Ed, you're headed there any minute now."

Straker ignored him, already pouring himself his third glass.

"For God's sake, Edward, slow down. You haven't had a drink in over twenty years. You'll make yourself sick!" Claire scolded him.

"Actually I think it's more like twenty-five but who's counting." Straker tipped the glass and swallowed it, then coughed a little. He poured himself another glassful and imbibed it too, a little less enthusiastically this time. He repeated his actions, as did Alec.

"Algernon, there's still time to change your bet." Reginald reminded his friend with a grin.

" Not a chance, Regs. I'll win the bet I have with you. Alec might have the experience under his belt, but Mr. Straker has something he doesn't."

"Oh does he, Algernon," Alec scoffed. "What might that be?"

"Will power." Algernon said meaningfully, watching Straker fill his glass again.

"Thanks for the confidence in me, Algernon." Straker told him. "I'll try not to disappoints you. I mean disappoi-disa-never mind. Cheers!" Straker drank a little, then seeing Alec's grin, determinedly choked down the rest of it. He coughed repeatedly.

"Right after I kill Alec, I'm killing you." Claire told Edward, who simply squinted at her.

"And I thought Jackson was bad," the Shado commander replied thoughtfully and poured himself yet another glass and made it vanish. Alec had to hurry to keep up with him. Straker was already peering into his empty bottle.

"Edward, how do you feel?" Claire asked him, on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Straker gave her a sunny smile and patted her hand.

" Très bien, très bien. Garçon, ma bouteille est vide. Uncork des autres !" Straker

said cheerily to the owner. The owner stared without comprehension at Straker, who was obviously feeling no pain at this point. Algernon chuckled at Straker and Reginald was grinning.

"What's he saying?" Claire said, just as mystified.

" Straker's speaking French, I guess he thinks it's more suitable for the occasion. He always did have panache. He said he feels fine, and he wants another bottle of whisky. I'd be nervous if I was you, Freeman. Straker looks like he just may pull this one off." Reginald warned, enjoying Alec's discomfort.

"Okay, I'm obviously still sober and Ed obviously isn't. I won. We can go now." Alec was getting up.

"Ohs nose youse don't, Alecks. Wez finisesh theeis. Split dawn." Straker said firmly, slurring his words. Claire giggled, she couldn't help herself.

"I think he told you to sit down." Algernon explained to Alec. Alec sighed and did so.

"I should have known Ed would do this. He hates losing. All right, bring another for me, Marty."

"You wanted this, Alec. So finish it." Claire said accusingly. Alec frowned at her.

After a round of three more bottles, both men didn't look all that healthy to Claire and the others. Freeman looked as sickly green as any alien, and a grey-faced Straker looked like he was about to lose his dinner as he coughed repeatedly and fought to stay upright in his wheelchair.

"If I didn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it. Alec, he's defeated you."

"Don't be bloody-bloody-" Alec muttered, and sank straight down under the table, unconscious. Claire sighed with relief. The others laughed.

"Edward, you won. This is the last time I sit back and let you do something as stupid as this again. I admire your self control, even if Alec doesn't. Besides, I think he may change his mind about it when he wakes up with the monster hangover he's going to have." Claire grinned.

"Pay up, Regs, old boy." Algernon said triumphantly.

"If I have to lose , I can't think of any finer man I'd rather want to be the reason I lost. Congratulations, Ed." Reginald said, chuckling. The Commander remained slumped over.

"Edward?" Claire said, in a renewed panic. The Commander suddenly sat upright and smiled at her. She blinked.

"I'm fine, Claire but Alec isn't. Here. Drink to my success." Straker passed her the half-full glass that sat before him.

"No thanks. I'm getting you back home and in bed right this minute."

"Just this once, for me?" Straker smiled at her.

"Only for you, you idiot." she chuckled at him.

"Now wait just a minute-" Reginald began to say.

Claire sipped from her glass, her eyes widened then she began to giggle.

"I _thought _there was something off about the way you were overacting, Ed." Algernon chuckled. Straker smiled at him.

"I might have overdone it a bit, I confess. My excuse is that I probably was influenced by encountering Danielle." Straker had spoken to the butler about the film star while Algernon had been running his bath the previous night. Algernon laughed at him.

"Damn you Edward Straker, and I was so worried about you. I should have known. You hate to lose and you figured out a way to only not beat Alec, but how to do it so you didn't give up your legendary discipline at all. You little imp!" Claire told him and kissed Straker's cheek.

Straker grinned at her, reached into his pocket for his wallet and handed Martin a fat roll of bills.

"You're as good as your word, Mr. Straker. This is more than generous of you." Essex chuckled. "Poor, poor Alec, I betrayed my best mate. He'd kill me if he knew what I agreed to do for you."

" You're most welcome and as I assured you, he won't hear it from me. Reginald, I'm afraid I must admit I cheated. So all bets are off. Could you load my friend into the Bentley Arnage he borrowed from Sir Perry, please?"

"What the devil are you talking about, Ed?" Reginald asked, heaving an unconscious Freeman over his shoulder without any effort.

"I rang Mr. Essex last night from my sickbed at Sir Perry's manor and asked him to doctor up a couple of bottles for me for a neat fee. You see, all night Alec was drinking the genuine item, but I was feigning intoxication and drinking-"

"Tea!" Claire giggled. Straker began to shift in his chair uncomfortably.

"Yes, yes. Could someone point out the direction to the bathroom for me, please? I'd be most grateful."

Later, with Alec safely in his bed at his apartment, Claire lay against Straker in bed, and fondly studied him. Straker was reading his mother's diary, and enjoying having Claire close. He paused, sensed her looking at him, and set the diary aside.

"What now?" he grinned. The two of them were sharing the same bed that they'd shared before.

"Edward, don't ever change. No matter how much I nag you to."

"I'll take what you say into consideration,"

"Good, now go to sleep, darling. You've had a long day and it's almost morning."

"I have an important phone call to make first."

"Shado?"

"No, not this time. I promised you and Alec I'd take a week off to make sure the virus that remains in my system isn't causing me any further problems, and I will. Colonel Lake was good enough to come back and fill in for me while I recover. Besides, I'm considering looking into that property I've inherited since I don't have anywhere to stay since Alec's banned me from my hotel and I don't feel comfortable remaining here in Perry's place. As I read more of my mother's diary I must admit I never really considered what she had to go through with my father for the sake of appearances. If she finally found love and happiness with Malone before she died, then that's enough for me. I called Jay and told him I'm looking forward to seeing him again. I told him to stock up on salt water taffy too."

"A little boy making up for lost time, huh?" Claire chuckled. Straker scowled at her, then shared a long kiss with her.

"My precious darling," she said when their lips parted, with him holding her close.

"You're out of line." he cautioned her, tenderly stroking her hair.

"Tough." she told him. He chuckled, frowned then sat upright, wearily stretched and frowned yet again.

"What is it, Edward?"

"Damn it, I still feel so lousy, worn out."

"Are you still feeling that weak? I'll run some more tests on you first thing in the morning."

"Forget it Doctor I'm not giving you another drop of my blood to analyze. I'm fine. Hand me the phone. "

Claire did, and he punched in a number she recognized, and she giggled. Straker held the phone to his ear, waited several minutes, then he grinned mischievously.

" It's me. Did I wake you up, Alec?"

**THE END**

(But Commander Straker will return)

(feedback appreciated and/or you can e mail me in private at Use Life Without Living as the subject. )


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